


First Run Out

by HelloHeadquarters



Series: Angry Alternative Apex [1]
Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Pining, Quest spoilers., Very angry narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:08:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24287905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelloHeadquarters/pseuds/HelloHeadquarters
Summary: Elliott counts eleven prowlers and four bullets. Tae counts two shells and seventeen impure thoughts so far. There's no sign of the thief, like this wasn't all her idea in the first place, and the first run out on this stupid mission might be their last.This is really just a slightly Cryptage-y narration of the quests with a few extra bits thrown in.Spoilers for the quest storyline.
Relationships: Crypto | Park Tae Joon/Mirage | Elliott Witt
Series: Angry Alternative Apex [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2104032
Comments: 24
Kudos: 165





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The quests are weird, right?

He doesn't trust her.

"I don't trust her," he says.

Elliott scowls at him as the ship rumbles and stutters through the night. It's possible that Tae has voiced this particular thought a few times already, and Elliott's patience is wearing thin. He doesn't have much when it comes to the hacker anyway, so it's probably best that Tae not stretch it to breaking point.

 _Or what?_ he thinks. He doesn't care if Elliott shouts or even takes a swing at him. Doesn't care if the idiot pushes him up against the metallic walls, or throws him to the ground, pinning him there with his solid weight and _what the fuck?_

The ship roars on while Tae has a very private, very silent crisis in the corner. 

Truth is, thoughts like these have been on the increase for a while now. Luckily for Tae, repression is the main road of the town where he lives, just off Revenge Street and Paranoid Boulevard. He's tried to rationalise it, told himself it was his fevered biology hammering on the walls of his skull to remind him of its presence, and if Tae wasn't going to do something about the colossal dry spell he was in, then his brain was just going to have to goad him into it. 

It's only Elliott because for some fucking hilarious reason, Elliott is always _there_ , and it could just as easily be Ajay's underwear he's tearing off with his teeth when he's trying to sleep.

But _no_. It's Elliott in his head for the same reason it's Elliott in this fucking ship.

"Why do I always get stuck with you anyway, hacker?" Elliott sighs in his direction.

 _Because I make sure of it_.

"Because there is no god," Tae manages. He was all kinds of fucked if he was going to let Elliott blunder into the unknown like this by himself, and even more so if he was going to trust any of the others to go with him. Pathfinder seizes up like he's been out in the rain for weeks at just the thought of where they're going, and Renee seems so pissed off at Loba's presumption that she could end up portalling them off the edge of the fucking world in all her anger. 

They're all angry at her, Bang especially, who's about one more flirtatious remark from ripping Loba in half with her bare hands, but Tae feels like he's the only one who's scared. They're so pissed off at being looked at like commodities that they're not noticing it. She thinks they're tools, and they are all far too arrogant to agree.

_But she thinks they're tools._

It's nothing to her if they don't come home. If Elliott doesn't. So Tae makes a big fucking show of going along, wanting the truth and agreeing that teaming up with the idiot is the best way to find it. As for Elliott's motivations? Jury's still out, but that shit Loba pulled with his mom has shifted her up a couple of spaces on Tae's hit list. 

Elliott stands up, all nervous energy that he'll never confess to feeling because Elliott Witt is brave and strong and courageous and the second biggest liar Tae has ever known, after himself. He tracks him with his eyes and reminds himself that they're probably about to die, so he should stop imagining what it would be like to run his fingers through Elliott's hair.

 _Or_ , his brain interjects. _maybe when you're about to die is the best time to live a little_.

"Shut up," he mumbles.

Elliott can't hear him over the roar of the engine, but they're coming in to land now and there's that sweet, sultry voice that makes his skin crawl in his ear.

It hits him in the first two words she speaks, and he misses the rest of the message.

 _That's why he's here. To impress_ her.

Now who's the idiot?

Well, still Elliott, obviously, if he's willing to throw his life down the drain just to get a flutter of eyelashes from a woman whose whole business is robbing chumps like him who thank her for it afterwards. Tae's coming in a close second, because he's here to throw it all away for some idiot... some moron... some guy who doesn't even like him let alone-

 _For Elliott_.

"Fuck!" The curse bursts out of him before he can stop it and then it's there, hanging in the moonlight like a neon sign pointed straight at his humiliation. 

"Problem?" Elliott asks, eyes darting all around looking for the threat and it's kind of funny because actually, Elliott's the only person Tae knows that can look at himself without a mirror.

"We should go. Why are we even doing this? What do we owe her?" He's angry now, he's angry and he feels small and he wants to go back to his bed and beat the shit out of his pillow. 

If Elliott didn't have just the smallest of hint of sympathy in his eyes beneath all the resentment and exasperation, Tae might have left him there and then. Two birds, and all that. 

"Tryna tell me you're not just a little curious?" Elliott says with a shrug and smirk that has Tae forgetting whichever name he was using that day.

"I'm not curious enough to get my head ripped off," Tae mutters in return, but they start to move forward, pistols raised in the darkness, through familiar tunnels that Tae fondly remembers trying to blow to smithereens. Life had been so much simpler back then.

Alright, that's a lie. Life had been cold and sharp and awful and lonely, but at least he could get through the day without a cold shower just cause some idiot chose to wear skinny jeans while he worked on his tech.

Elliott holds up his hand, fingers curled into a fist and Tae stops behind him, rolling his eyes.

"What?" he hisses. 

Elliott's fingers relax and his arm drops. "Coulda sworn I saw... Doesn't matter. Eyes playing tricks on me."

Tae can't help himself. The bait is right there, and he wants to take it.

"Your speciality?" he replies, and it's supposed to be good natured ribbing. Not a fucking _purr_.

Elliott looks at him curiously, unable to process anything Tae has just done from content to tone. So he coughs and turns around and mutters "yeah, heh, right," and the pity laugh makes Tae want to eat his own gun. 

Luckily Tae is driven from his dark thoughts by a low growl, and he wonders if Elliott has finally come around and things are about to get interesting in this tunnel, but then the growl gets louder and much more threatening and so they back away against the side of a van, mouths clamped tightly shut. 

"Prowler," Elliott mouths and Tae rolls his eyes once more because _thanks, Professor, I thought it was the Easter Bunny_. His experience at fighting Prowlers extends to not fighting them and he's painfully aware that maybe it should be Bloodhound pressed up against the cold metal door clutching a pistol Tae wouldn't rely on to take out his grandma, if he had one. Let the hunter stand shoulder to shoulder with the idiot while the thing that's ordered two chumps to go for dinner sneaks up on them with all the time in the world. 

Thing is, he can see it now. It's right there, flashing scales and with eyes like laser beams. It's an easy shot, one that they could both take but _easy_ isn't _quiet_ and the last thing they need is Ugly's extended family showing up to ask what's taking so long and just what the fuck was that gunshot sounding noise anyway?

Still. Shoot first. _Fucking terrible advice_ , Tae thinks, but he squeezes the trigger and they're down one Prowler and up about five more. 

Elliott grabs his wrist and if Tae wasn't so convinced he was about to be eaten he still wouldn't have moaned or any dumb shit like that because Elliott's not gentle and lacking in grace. He nearly pulls the hand clean off and Tae thinks that ok, maybe he had that one coming. He'd been waiting for a little retribution since day one, and has only just realised that the best revenge to take on a paranoid bastard is not to take it at all. Elliott knows that, has always known that and Tae calls him a smartass in the privacy of his own head, and it's kind of sick the way his gut reacts.

Prowlers. Claws. Imminent death. Right.

Shooting is the order of the day now. The dark sky stutters with illumination, strobing with every muzzle flash until they're knee deep in corpses and fear. Elliott's got a gash across his chest, shallow but bloody. Tae's knee has been fucked by a pounce and it burns each time he takes a step. 

Elliott points to a spot on the floor. "Here," he mutters, short of breath and all out of Mirage charm for the night it seems. 

Tae gets to work, ears straining for low growl and the click of claws on metal, but they don't come.

Not until he starts the damn machine.

Three Prowlers too late she's in his ear, muttering warnings about the local wildlife and Tae thinks that if he and Elliott get out of this alive he's going to kill her _so much_. It doesn't even matter how much longer is left for the harvester to work it's magic because they are as surrounded as two corpses can be. They fire and they dodge and they actually work pretty well together and Elliott is blood and sweat and _fuck_ because Tae just took a full compliment of claws across his spine and down he goes.

It hurts like hell and it's warm and sticky and _everywhere_. There's another bang, and then a hiss and a new heat and light to one side. Elliott's trying to buy him a few seconds with a wall of flame and it's enough to get him back up.

"You good?" Elliott shouts, and there's no denying the fear in his voice. Lust be damned because all Tae can feel is _love_ and isn't that just perfect? 

"Yes, let's go," Tae roars over the flames but he's not good. He's in agony and his feet are slipping in his own blood as Elliott yanks the harvester from the ground and takes off.

He can't follow.

He's done.

Back to the mat he goes.

Two more gun shots, the second further away than the first. He's not sure why he's not monster chow right now, but his eyes are slipping closed.

Another shot. He knows Elliott's almost out of rounds, but he must nearly be at the ship by now. 

An explosion, huge enough to shake the ground and far too close makes his blood-soaked jacket flutter around his body. They're howling now, not snarling. They're in pain. They're dying.

So what? So's he. They're not special.

"Get the fuck up," he hears Elliott growl, but it's low and scared as well as angry and Tae doesn't think he's ever heard Elliott curse like that before and mean it.

So he gets the fuck up.

He doesn't do it alone, there's no way in hell, and Elliott's not careful not to push against the wounds in his back. He's not delicate, he just runs, and Tae has Elliott's arms around him and counts another 'wrong time thought' off his inner clicker. In his defence, he is dying.

It's not a ship, it's a box with thrusters around it and Elliott lays him face down on the metal to die.

He's trying to do it as quickly as possible, because it really hurts and Tae's no wimp but holy fuck, his whole body is on fire now. Do Prowlers have poison in their claws? Elliott caught the business end of them too and he's shaking and pale and sweating so it's looking likely. He knows the burning is being caused mostly by the weight of Elliott pressing against the wound in his back but it's all whatever now. Tae closes his eyes and is rewarded with a slap in the face.

"No. No sleeping," Elliott demands but screw him. Tae turns his head away and Elliott's fingers bite into his jaw and force him back around. 

"You just stay awake, nerd, or I swear I'll-" But he doesn't finish. He just makes a little noise that finally makes Tae open his eyes. Is he _crying_?

"Are you crying?"

His voice is almost nothing, he bled most of it out onto the ground, but Elliott hears him.

"Shut up." He scrubs at his eyes. "No. Keep taking. Tell me stuff."

"What stuff?" 

"I don't know! Anything! What's your cat's name? When did you lose your virginity? Why are you such a pain in my ass? What's your favourite colour?" Elliott pants and shifts the weight against Tae, and he catches sight of Elliott's hand. It's like he's wearing a shiny red glove.

"She doesn't have one," he mumbles into the grating. "Or if she does she hasn't told me yet." His head is starting to spin now, but he doesn't have the energy to throw up. "When I was seventeen. It was embarrassing." Much like this conversation is about to be because before Tae can stop himself he sighs and says, "Because somebody has to keep you alive, Witt." He makes a few nonsense sounds. "You have to keep alive." It's not even a sentence, not really, but it's like a mental bucket of ice water and Tae's eyes snap open. "Favourite colours are for children."

Then his eyes slide shut, and that's all he knows.

He doesn't die. Of course he doesn't. The universe is far too cruel for that. Instead he wakes up in more agony and _she's_ there at the end of his bed looking disappointed in him and he can't wait to put a bullet between her eyes.

"There you are," she drawls and his fingers clutch at sheets that aren't as white and sterile as he was expecting. The walls look dirty too, the equipment old.

"Sorry beautiful, best we could manage while trying to keep everything hush hush. Great work, by the way, you and the handsome one really came through."

He's angry. He's jealous. He's disgusted to hear her talk about him like that. He's every square on negative emotion bingo, Feeling Shitty yahtzee. But he scowls and says nothing because he has a reputation to uphold.

He doesn't even ask after Elliott, even if he really fucking wants to.

"Lifeline tells me you'll be fine," she carries on, like he's supposed to be relieved but all he can think is _her name is Ajay, you ridiculous cow_. And whoa, steady on Tae, that's just the overwhelming agony talking cause he's really not like that.

Elliott could have died, though. It could be Elliott laying in this bed, listening to her purr.

Lapping it up.

His chest is tight enough to turn coal to diamonds so he begs her off, saying he needs to sleep but what he really needs is to never, ever see her again.

Probably not an option.

He lays on his side because some sick fuck didnt think the guy with the back wounds should be propped over and closes his eyes. 

One piece down.

He has his own truth to find, so screw finding anyone else's. Let her play her games and screw everyone else around because that is not why he is here.

If they're all too stupid to not be made fools of, that is not his problem. He owes them nothing, and judging by the fact that he has a lot less skin now than he had yesterday, at least one of them is in his debt. Not his circus. 

Not his clown.

Clowns. He meant _clowns_. Plural. 

Fuck.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just cryprtaging up the quests as they come. :)

It's been a few days since he got out of bed and his back feels less like searing agony and now it just throbs and stings. He gets a reminder every time he leans back in his chair but the stick up his ass is a part of him now and it doesn't happen very often. He's had time to think while getting put back together, and he has reached a conclusion.

He's super pissed off about his blood-loss-induced coma on the trip back to the real world, as he hadn't gotten the chance to look at whatever it was that was worth a hundred or so stitches to steal in the first place. Elliott had handed it straight over because apparently he only listens to his crotch, but Tae can't really argue with that with a good conscience as his spine begins to itch.

Still, he's expecting to get the piece back at some point, what with the fact that Loba expects him and Nat to work on the damn thing for the wondrous payment of _nothing at all_. Nat will do it because she's scientifically curious and whatever this thing is, it's new and complicated. Tae will do it to make sure it's nothing that can laser his skin off, but he'll complain the whole time and definitely try to fuck it up if he doesn't like what he sees. This whole thing stinks, and he's not the only one with that opinion.

Elliott seems angry when Tae gets back to the bar. He's not sure what the hell could cause Elliott to be in a bad mood because Elliott is the reigning champ at swallowing the dark feelings and never letting them see the light of day, and yet somehow here he is, _surly_. Renee picks up on it too but they're actually friends so she's allowed to say something, while all Tae can do is watch intently and squirm as his wounds knit themselves back together. He doesn't say much but at least Loba isn't there because between the itching and Elliott's mood, Tae isn't sure he can trust himself, especially when it's revealed that Elliott's bad mood is _her fault_. Like he didn't know that already. Like he didn't put two and two together and come up with 'local easygoing hero not happy with the reveal that sometimes bad shit happens to him too.' Elliott definitely feels that he's too big to fit beneath a microscope.

It's pissing him off in fun new ways, and it's only because Anita's talking like this is complete bullshit and they need to do something about it that he's still in the room. It has nothing to do with the fact that maybe a small nudge to show Elliott the thief's true colours might have dampened his trouser fire just a little, and Tae's telling that story to anyone who comes asking. Ajay seems unhappy too, and so she should because Loba' s trying to extort them through their pain and that's a little bit not good.

He knows that if the word _Mila_ falls out of her mouth he's as good as gone and he's not taking the scenic route. He's been careful, he's smart, and if Loba acts like she knows his truth as sure as she knows what she's having for breakfast he's liable to break something. He hates every inch of her, and he wants to know where she's getting her information.

Anita seems to think it's something to do with Hammond, and Tae reckons that's likely because their name has been everywhere he looks recently. Robotics, not something of which he's totally ignorant, but not his endgame at all. This is all because she wants revenge on the fucking Simulacrum for offing her parents, a being programmed to do as it's told and it's almost like being pissed at the gun that shot them. But yeah, maybe Hammond pulled the trigger and he can at least understand the need for revenge for days. But it's not _their_ revenge, it's _hers_ , and he's far beyond giving a fuck about anyone else's vendettas when he's yet to complete his own.

Anita's thirst for vengeance is brand new and seated squarely between Loba's shoulder blades and finally, this is a fucking plan he can get behind because... well, he may have mentioned his dislike of the thief already. But Anita wants to be sneaky and go play nice for a while and Tae's suddenly wondering if Loba has a spare set of Legends up her sleeve to help if the ones in this room tell her to collectively fuck off. He wants to scream and shake them but it's feeling less like volunteering and more like blackmail and he gets why at least some of them are behaving. 

Fuck it, he's a little bit scared himself.

Octavio's just along for the ride, practically in the room because that was the direction Ajay pointed him in, but he's not happy either and it's weird to see. Anita tells him to go on some phony date with someone he was clearly not interested enough in to realise that's what she'd been angling for, and he's pretty much the opposite of stealth and subterfuge. He voices his displeasure and mentions that actually, yeah, Loba ain't got shit on him, but he's a loyal bastard even if he's more bastard than loyal, and Ajay's been rankled at the mention of her parents. 

Tae sees this whole plan ending badly but says nothing. He's still not committed to getting involved. His eyes linger as Elliott serves Renee a pretty green cocktail and he wonders why the man still stands behind a bar most nights when he has a fucking party barge moored outside.

It's because he needs people and the boat is populated by decoys, who are fun to look at for all of fifteen seconds and who absolutely suck at charades. 

Anita mentions the device and Tae starts to explain what he thinks it is but she cuts him off, and thank fuck for that because he was pretty much making it up. It's tech from another _dimension_ for fuck's sake and he's a genius, not a god. Nat's smart enough to connect the dots even if she doesn't know what they're called and Tae's paranoid enough to make sure he can see every part of this thing from the inside out. 

He's forgotten from the conversation and soon as he's interrupted and that's a good thing because he has no desire to get involved in whatever the fuck is up with Ajay. She either doesn't trust Octavio to play super secret spy, is jealous as hell that's he's going on a date or she genuinely thinks that anyone being subjected to his romantic company should be spared. All of the options are equally unappealing and very unlike the medic he knows, and he'd talk to her about it but Elliott's eating olives three at a time and he forgets how to be a rational human being for a little while.

Renee mutters something to Elliott and he answers with a joke that makes her punch him on the arm and _aww, isn't this nice?_ Elliott's kind of avoiding him still following the slight almost-dying-in-his-arms thing but it's alright. He's avoiding Elliott too because he hates him, hates working with him and being near him and that's an issue that's gonna come out at the worst possible time for sure. Elliott had swung by his sick bed a few hours after Her Highness had sashayed off to see if Tae was still breathing, but he hadn't stayed any longer than it took to ask him politely not to ever fucking do anything like that again, _do you hear me?_ It had made Tae all tingly inside, but that could have been the pain meds. 

All in the past, now, because Octavio has to wear pants and Ajay's pulling her hair out and Anita's so stiff you could use her to measure distance. Tae's never really been a commanding presence but right now he's barely even a presence and he wonders if he can just leave.

He wants to leave. The floors are sticky and he's surrounded by people and it's making him lonely.

He heads for the door and Elliott grabs his arm before he can reach it. With no beasties around trying to show them their own guts, Elliott's a little more gentle and careful where he puts his hands and Tae's relieved because there isn't much beneath his coat that wasn't recently bleeding. 

"Heading out?" Elliott asks, and Tae feels like he doesn't need to answer. Elliott's not the dumb sort of stupid but he _is_ still upset so Tae let's him off the hook.

"Yeah," he says, and Elliott lets him go. He wonders if he's supposed to say thank you, but that can't be right because surely he's said it already? 

Of course he hasn't, because he's a dick.

"Thank you for-" He trails off, hoping a look at the other man will finish the sentence for him but no such luck. Elliott's actually gonna make him fucking say it and really, he shouldn't have expected anything less.

As if he _deserved_ anything less.

"For coming back for me." 

If he thought that would sound less gushing and adoring than _for saving my life_ he was wrong. So very wrong. Perhaps it was all in the delivery because the words make his chest hurt in non-claw related ways and he sees Elliott's face lapse into an odd expression, like he'd been expecting something but not fucking _that_. Should have said the other thing. It's weird but somehow he's made the act of Elliott saving his life almost _too_ personal, and he deserves a pat on the back for that one.

Not too hard, though. Claw marks and everything.

He leaves the bar and heads for home. He has to change his dressings and that's no easy task when all of your scrapes are on the wrong side and you live perpetually alone. Things are strange right now, and once again he's at the beginning of a trail that leads to answers, but this one has forks and snakes and ladders, and he's never been one for games.


	3. Chapter 3

Not much is feeling like good the next time they meet up to discuss going back into Hell. Tae's been trying his best to get sleeping into bed with him, but all he can manage is a quick fumble before unconsciousness gathers up its shoes and leaves him a fake number. He wants out of this whole mess while there's still time but his fucking _feelings_ have other ideas. He wishes it was just a stupid crush on Elliott that was keeping his hand in the game because then at least he could tell himself to stop being such a fucking idiot, but he's got this mad desire to make sure that none of the others get hurt too, and isn't that just step one in his own personal downfall? They talk, he listens, Ajay makes him feel useless saying that he still needs to heal and he'd argue but he stood up too fast, caught a few stitches and now he thinks he's gonna puke.

Elliott's going back in again this time and Tae has a list as long as his legs detailing exactly why that's a stupid idea. Chief among them now is that Tae can't go too, just because his back is more scabs than skin and he adds 'bloody sheets' to the list of reasons to assassinate Loba Andrade at the earliest opportunity. Admittedly, every step is an itchy, burning bastard and he's already been told off by Ajay many times for scratching himself against the walls like a crazed grizzly bear. 

Instead he gets left behind while Elliott steps back into the nightmare world with _her_ , Anita, Nat and Pathfinder for back up, and it's not that he doesn't trust them, thieves withstanding, it's just that he doesn't _trust_ them. He doesn't really trust anyone. It's kind of his thing.

Elliott's disappeared with the others and he feels like he's broken a promise he never even made. He gets to sit out both messes on either side of the portal because on this side Octavio and Renee are off playing spies and apparently the last thing anyone needs when trying to spy on a date is the _surveillance expert_. All he can do is hang back miserably and heal in angry silence, doctor's orders, and usually he'd be first in line to say fuck that noise, but the doctor in question tends to see the 'Do No Harm' part of the Hippocratic Oath as more of a guideline. Joke's on her though because she didn't say he couldn't play with his toys. Probably best not to let her see, mind. 

The drone's not quiet but the restaurant is packed and no one's looking for it so it's easy to hear Renee all but telling Elliott to fuck off over her mic as she watches Octavio make a colossal fuck up of the whole thing and still come up smelling of roses. This woman he's on the date with clearly wasn't hired for her loyalty or brains, but she's opportunistic and selfish and maybe Hammond stops ticking evil boxes after two. Tae frowns and feels vindicated on his 'trust no one' policy as she spills something about a source code because Octavio's promised her Anita's John Hancock. 

She doesn't even have the autograph yet. She's clearly not well versed on how payment for info works but to be fair the way Octavio's been lately he'll probably risk Anita's wrath to get it for her anyway.

A woman on the inside could be useful. Tae shakes his head. Under no circumstances should it be _this_ woman. She'd sell them all out for a concert ticket. 

Things are getting interesting now because this woman's boss wants something in return for whatever Loba's really looking to score and Tae has an inkling that the thing this woman wants comes in many parts and needs him and a certain French engineer to put it back together. He's still kind of smarting over the fact that Loba expects him to reassemble the mysterious doodad, pleased he's got something to hold over her, worried that he might not even be able to do it, and he's far from fucking happy.

The rush of static through the drone makes him wince but Renee acts as though she's been shot as she wrenches the earphones from her head, looks at them like she's angry at their ancestors for a moment, before shoving them straight back in so Elliott can hear her yelling at him. Then she stops dead, and Tae sees her face go from the usual slightly pissed off expression most people have when they're dealing with Elliott to suddenly afraid. The drone's on his back and he regrets that like no one's business as he moves out into the bar where now there's a bed in the back room with a blonde haired occupant. Ajay's having a conniption about hygiene and seriously, are you fucking kidding her, this is the _men's room_ and even Hyeon got to go to a fucking hospital, oh, hey Hyeon, how's the back?

"Is she alright?" Tae asks and Caustic, of all people, looks up from the fallen engineer like he's going to make Tae choke on his own stupid fucking question. He nods in a 'please, don't kill me' manner and looks at Ajay, who's holding a needle in one hand that almost goes straight up Anita's ass when Renee and Octavio portal in to the room. He melts into the background as much as possible because the room's getting crowded but he still catches Elliott's eye even though the man himself looks like shit, all pale and shaking once more and Tae realises that if he keeps going on these missions and people with him keep nearly dying, Elliott's gonna get a complex. 

Renee wants to know what happened and even though Loba tries to explain Renee won't let her, choosing instead to let Pathfinder speak and Tae has never had more respect for Blasey than he has in that moment. Even Elliott's looking at Loba now like he just stepped in her and if it wasn't for the fact that dear, sweet Natalie had to be the first among them to pay for Loba's personal revenge quest he might have been able to feel something besides rage.

Pathfinder explains while Elliott stands back and the desire to go to him and tell him it's not his fault is overwhelming, but likely not going to mean much coming from the guy who's still healing from the last thing that wasn't Elliott's fault either. Renee's starting to look furious and Tae thinks the look suits her, especially when it's aimed at Andrade, and then it all fucking implodes when Loba says the wrong thing and Caustic's got her up against the wall in a choke hold. No one really moves to stop him even though the chemist isn't exactly number one on anyone's bestest best friends list, but Ajay flinches because Loba Andrade might be a manipulative, nasty, unfeeling dick, but she's human too and Ajay finds it hard to discern between people who deserve her help and those who don't. The world has yet to break her like that. 

Caustic mutters low and Tae doesn't catch the words but judging by the look on Loba's face as he drops her and leaves the room, that's a good thing. Renee's anger isn't affected either and she picks up where she left off before they were interrupted by a world where _Caustic_ wasn't bottom of the list for basic human decency. Renee's asking about a source code now but Loba's answer is bullshit and broken off as Tae watches Renee's eyes cloud and she steps back and looks up.

There's a murderer on the ceiling.

The simulacrum drops down and is thrilled to learn that he's a fucking god in the dimension where everything is born with teeth and claws and a fuck you attitude, and Tae's shrinking further back until he's bumping into Elliott, who's never been at ease around the sunshine destroying murder bot for some reason. 

Revenant's saying something to Renee and Loba but Tae doesn't think he'll start anything now that his curiosity is piqued. Instead he listens to Elliott's slow breathing in his ear and latches on to the things he knows. 

Killing Revenant is pointless because a thing like that is more than the package it comes in, and his AI must be complicated beyond belief for him to behave the way he does. Sadistic, certainly, but undeniably _human_ and for that to hold true his 'source code' must actually be his-

His-

Oh. 

That's fucking _gross_.


	4. Chapter 4

Tae can think about the disgusting implications of people parts until the sun implodes, but really he ought to pay attention because this robo fuck is still in the room and he's got a bit of a reputation for getting stabby when his delicate sensibilities get offended. It's likely being in a room full of assholes who've been plotting against him might slightly piss him off and he's in full on creep mode now, and Tae feels his muscles tense and his skin crawl. A glance at the rooms other occupants isn't at all calming. Renee's somewhere between Loba and Rev as if she's not sure which neck to snap first, while Loba's got a shrewd look on her face that Tae doesn't like one bit. He's seen that look before, usually moments before his wallet turns up missing. 

Natalie's right there too, she's still right fucking _there_ , and she's really not at her best. The air is beeps and there's the sucking sound of whatever machine is keeping her breathing and is Tae the only one who thinks that they should all be focusing on that now? Natalie's one wrong move away from being a fucking corpse, and they're all still standing around talking about whatever the hell is going on between the thief and the simulacrum like it's no big deal, and Tae thinks he's going to cry and shout and maybe even puke.

Tae's furious, because losing Wattson hits a little close to home for him and as the disgusting robot starts making jokes about doors and birdies, Elliott's tense frame next to him at least let's him know that maybe he's not the only one who thinks this is fucking stupid. What the hell reason does Natalie have to give her life for Loba's cause? What do any of them?

Tae might very well hit something, but Octavio's looking like he's about to do or say something stupid too, maybe even a combination of both, and between his back being on fire, his friend being in a coma, this moron dancing around like this is all a fucking game and the two bastards who came in and made everything awful, Tae thinks there might be enough going on already. 

Loba's accusing Renee of telling the robot what they were up to and Tae wishes that the voice in Renee's head was his just for a moment, telling her to stick her kunai where the sun doesn't shine and end this nightmare before it goes too far. He's watching Natalie as Renee denies telling Rev anything with all the enthusiasm of someone who really doesn't give a shit if she's believed or not, while Rev leans over Wattson and Tae feels fingers curl around his wrist. 

He looks over to Elliott who's clearly sharing a few of the same feelings he has regarding half the people in the room, but he knows that Elliott's protecting him from getting hurt anymore than he already did on the trickster's watch and just the thought of that makes him want to kick the shit out of something. But he keeps his calm because he doesn't want to make the bad here so much worse, and instead he bites his lip and focusses on the itch at his spine. 

In the corner, the _other_ portal, the one that leads straight to Tae's nightmares and a pool of his own dried blood, flickers like an awful reminder that their little meeting is still three idiots short. While Nat has been off bleeding out under Loba's watchful eye, Anita, Bloth and Makoa are hopefully doing much better at fighting her fucking battles for her at another part of the cursed Canyon, and Tae knows by the way that Path and Elliott keep looking over at it that they're thinking the same thing. 

Tae hears the low, grating voice of Revenant as he teases Loba, telling her that she's got a mole, and that is one idea that makes Tae almost bolt for the door because for some reason he's risking too much already and if the fact that there's an unconscious woman and talk of a leak just doesn't scream 'not safe' to his terrified mind then he's just not very good at his fucking job. The sim's trying to say you can't trust humans when he'd just been lurking on the ceiling like spectre but Tae's not here to call out things like that on their hypocrisy. 

"You've been spying on me," Loba says, and Tae almost breaks into a sarcastic round of applause. For some reason she sounds fucking _offended_ , as though she can formulate secret plots in shadowy corners and swear them all to secrecy all the live long day, but espionage on anyone else's part is unforgivable. 

It's almost sad how quick the murder bot is to defend himself, regardless of the fact that dropping down from the roof into a conversation to which you were definitely not invited totally counts as spying, saying that the information was freely given, like some bastard passed him a leaflet stamped with a time and date. The thief looks furious and Tae really, _really_ doesn't fucking care but if Revenant gets it into his head to start slaughtering in the bathroom of Elliott's bar, he's not going to be happy about it. 

"It's only been a few weeks, and you're already rubbing people the wrong way."

Now it's Tae's turn to be offended because hey, he's hated her guts since day fucking one, thank you very much. He's only here because of who else is here and because not knowing what she was up to would have him climbing the walls, not to mention that every time he moves his skin doesn't always go where he wants it to and it's too damn easy for his mind to tell him that it could have been any one of them, and that they might not have made it. Natalie is proof enough of that and god, he hates Loba Andrade.

Now the simulacrum's goading her, giving her fake advice on winning people over even though anyone who's spent more than fifteen seconds with the bastard knows he has all the charm of a heart attack, and it's flimsy and crap but she's mad at him in a way that only grief can make a person mad, so he can say whatever the hell he wants and he'll be guaranteed a rise out of her. Before she can, though, Renee's cutting through all the shit and Tae can see that the woman has reached the end of the road where she doesn't get to know what the hell is going on at all times. Renee knows she's instrumental for Loba's stupid little quest to be successful, and Tae's torn between telling her to hold it over Loba's head like a shiny dagger and suggesting she tell Loba to get fucked. Renee does neither and instead asks Revenant what he wants, and Tae's not surprised but he's still a little disappointed.

Loba answers for him, mentioning overthrowing the Syndicate and all they stand for and Tae's moving almost without thinking because hey, that's his fucking vendetta, get your own you metal piece of shit, but it's more like Revenant wants to own them rather than destroy them and it's not really the same thing. 

Elliott's fingers are still at his wrist and they tighten, so he stops himself because he's not in this fight and he really doesn't want to be because if Revenant does take over the Syndicate then it's all sandy beaches and drinking out of a coconut for Tae, lifestyle wise. It's not what he wants, though. He wants everyone who ever even saw a kill order with Mila's name on it dragged through the streets by an angry mob until their parts are scattered all over the Outlands, and he wants them to know that _he's_ the reason they've got organs on several planets, and he wants them to beg and say sorry and feel scared and afraid before they die. 

But he's digressing. 

Revenant's a murderer. Perhaps someone who gives a shit should remind Loba about that because once again she's almost daring him to kill her. Tae would read something into that but he's not going to because he still hates her. 

Revenant's making a little speech, a little 'so many to kill, so little time' bit, and Tae thinks that it's bad enough that he's a walking death machine, but does he have to be so insufferable, too? Then the thing kicks the creepy into overdrive, trailing a digit over Nat's bedsheets and Elliott's fingers tighten once more, but he knows this time it's not Tae that Elliott's stopping. The atmosphere in the room changes into something charged and dark and they're all tensing towards the bed except Loba, who only has eyes for the simulacrum. 

Tae's almost disgusted at how he and Revenant seem to be on the same wavelength, as he's continuing his attempt to break Loba through shitty cliches by telling her that they're like an old married couple, which sits about as well as a buckshot to the chest and doesn't make any sense but Tae's gotta believe that Revenant hasn't actually spoken to a human being in a long fucking time and he's forgotten how it's supposed to go. 

Loba backs him up again, casually mentioning the slaughter of her family as an aside to telling him to basically shut up and she's even more of a strange thing now to Tae than ever before. He's not sure if she's avenging her parents now or if she just really fucking hates to lose. 

"A lot's changed since that night," and Tae doesn't know if the sim means himself or the thief and oh yeah, he doesn't fucking care. There's a spy in their midst and it's not him and Nat's dying so as far as he's concerned those two should just take this shit off to a quiet corner somewhere and tear each other new ones until they feel better and maybe the rest of them can get on with their lives.

She mentions him killing her _again_ , and Tae's almost got an emotion for her there but not quite. She doesn't seem suicidal or stupid or bored, but he'd believe stubborn fear all day long. Fact is, she's looking at the thing that killed her parents and twenty others for collateral; he's scary and he's capable and he's the one she's pointing at saying "You. You're my fucking enemy," which would be very brave if she was the one laying on the bed with a tube down _her_ throat instead.

Revenant assures her that if he wanted her dead she'd already be a corpse because he's still reading from the Things Bad Guys Say guide, and Tae thinks that if it was easy for either of them to do what they'd really like to do each other they wouldn't be standing in the men's room of the Paradise Lounge having a fucking _meeting_ about it. Revenant is ooh, very scary, and Loba's all calm in the face of death while the actual stars of the show are the dumbshit Prowlers that are still picking bits of Tae and Nat out from under their claws and coming closer than either of these assholes to actually getting a terrible thing done. But that's _her_ fault, not the robot's, and Tae almost chokes on the fact that actually Revenant hasn't done anything wrong. Well, not since he skewered that jackass on live TV.

Then he takes the thought back when Revenant hops up on Nat's bed like the dick that he is, a move of no consequence save the fact that everyone in this room now wants to tear him apart with their bare hands, even if it makes no difference. Like every nightmare in Tae's life, there's more where that came from and it'd be like tearing a laptop to shreds because some jerk on Solace called you a bastard on a knitting group's message board.

Tae watches as Ajay flinches, torn between the duty of care that needs her to be calm to ensure no more harm comes to Natalie, and the fact that she knows Rev can't hurt her if he's a pile of spare parts on the ground. No one's armed enough to take him on when he's close enough to end the engineer before anyone can stop him and time freezes. Tae concentrates on the pull of his skin, the rhythm of his heart pounding in his chest, and the warmth of the fingers on his wrist.

The next chapter of Revenant's book deals with telling people all the condescending reasons why he's letting them live but Tae's glad he's focusing on the right woman as he watches Natalie's chest rise and fall. They're all wound so tight, pressure around pressure like a rubber band and something soon is going to snap, loud and violent.

And fuck it all, he just knows that thing is going to be Octavio. 

Tae's been side glancing at him the whole time, watching him stand there in his grown-up clothes, a mixture of bored and angry and stupid just waiting to explode. The tension drops a little when Revenant starts his own line of questioning, because the thing that always killed where it was pointed has suddenly learned to be curious and it's almost like he's a real boy. He almost sounds disappointed that Loba's main goal in life isn't his ultimate destruction anymore, like he's taking it personally and already checking to see if she has a cousin or something he can slaughter to get her head back in the game. Then he seems to remember that he's a killing machine not a rejected prom date, and he's back to swearing to rip her all to pieces. At least he jumps off the bed before someone makes a move to drag him off and he's snarling in Loba's face like that's the worst thing he can do to a woman he once showed the colour of her own father's blood. 

He says he has no interest in his other self and Tae thinks that's fucking weird because this other Revenant is just like him only _worse_ and even just for a point of professional pride he should want to overthrow the fucker. But no, the book tells him that now is the part where he develops the creepy fascination with his arch nemesis and she's fucking _agreeing_ with his gross sentiments so quickly that Tae's almost checking for cameras. 

Revenant squares up to Loba, towering over her despite the impractical footwear and Tae sees Octavio winding up like a toy made of zero impulse control and he's slowly, slowly pulling his wrist out from under Elliott's fingers just in case, just because and he hopes Elliott can see what he sees because if Tae doesn't have back up the speedy idiot is gonna get himself killed.

Then Anita's back, Makoa and Bloth close behind and they _are_ armed, geared up like they just came back from a nightmare realm where even the shadows can take you out which means no nonsense weaponry that could easily drop a wayward simulacrum on his cocky ass. Anita's always had the attitude to back this shit up and Tae finds himself holding still, waiting to see if Elliott's fingers resume their grip. 

Revenant seems surprised to see them so whoever the mole is they're not really paying that much attention and he steps away from Loba because for a thing that wants to die he didn't seem too keen on the idea of being killed. He pulls a totem out of his ass and fucks off to parts unknown while the rescue party lower their weapons and Anita makes a grab for the idiot daredevil, who's all in on playing with Revenant's shiny toy. She yells at them all not to touch it and Tae thinks that's the stupidest thing he's heard in a while because he wasn't born yesterday and then he realises it was for Octavio's benefit and reckons maybe not yesterday but perhaps the week before sometimes. Octavio looks like someone pissed on his chips but he hangs back because he's in a room full of women who he owes favours too and who would happily call them in in ways that would make him suffer. 

Loba seems really pissed off and that makes Tae feel all warm inside. She thinks someone's feeding Revenant info, probably because that was exactly what he fucking said but Anita tells her not to be so dramatic and Tae isn't new here so now he thinks it might be the soldier. He says as much out loud and can practically feel Elliott physically restraining himself from putting his head in his hands but he's right dammit. A spy's more likely than them all not noticing the seven foot tall killer robot lurking over their meetings, (more than once), but Anita shuts him down in such a suspicious way that now he doesn't know what to think. He keeps his mouth shut instead, and hopes to fuck it isn't Elliott.

Anita's taking charge of the whole thing right under Loba's nose and it's starting to look a lot like dissent to Tae, but he still doesn't care. Anita wants them back at stupid o'clock in the morning and Tae would rather die than be here before the fucking sun itself but needs must and he's still sort of tired from the whole messy ordeal. Loba fucks off first and Tae does not miss her but he's close behind after a last glance at Natalie, Elliott behind him, hands at his sides. Octavio stays behind but he and Natalie are friends and Tae knows that Ajay will be drifting in and out to check on her patient so it's not anything he concerns himself with. Anita stays too, and Tae thinks that Octavio might be hearing the word 'debrief' very soon and once he gets what that means Anita's gonna want to know how his own mission went. Tae's not supposed to know already, but he does because _fuck you Loba, that's what he does too,_ only he's not such a dick about it.

Instead he finds himself hanging back as Elliott heads towards the bar, and this is stupid isn't it Park? but here he is, like a moron. Elliott seems surprised to see him following but he's always been pretty good at rolling with the punches or he'd never get off his ass and he asks Tae if he wants a drink or something as he puts the bar between them and the space makes Tae regret the whole thing.

"Yes," he says instead of taking a running jump through the nearest window, and Elliott gets him a whiskey and coke that's got enough coke in it to remind Tae he's got to get up early. 

"Nat's gonna be ok," Elliott says, to Tae, to himself, and Tae nods at the reassurance and affirms it and looks back at the bathroom. 

"Sure," he says, and he's got about seventy-eight different thoughts in his head and they're fighting and kicking on the walls of his skull and he should have just gone home for fuck's sake. This is shit, and he wants out.

"Why are you helping her?" he asks Elliott again, because he realises he never really got an answer last time. All that bullshit about curiosity was nothing because actually, no, he doesn't give a fuck so yeah, why, specifically, is _Elliott_ helping her?

Elliott shrugs and won't look at him and he's not really that thirsty anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

Tae swallows down the last mouthful of his drink with some difficulty before nodding a a silent farewell to Elliott. The bar is starting to remind Tae a lot of a prison now, crowded in on all sides by criminals and murderers and people are already getting unsanitary patch-ups in the bathroom while shady deals go down on the sidelines. The whole night has been a whirlwind of bullshit and as far as this hacker is concerned enough is enough and he's going home to spend a few precious moments of unconsciousness with his bed before the fuck-awfullness of reality demands his attention once again.

His place is empty but his head is far from it and he wonders now if this is enough to stop, or what else it's going to take for the rest of them to stand up just like _he isn't_ and say that this reckless endeavour is done. Fat chance he reckons, because in a saner world he's the first one out the door but instead he's invested in about seventy percent of the people in that grotty restroom but he's not likely to tell them that any time soon. It feels very much to Tae like things are happening on top of other things and the only problem is that he's yet to figure out just how much of that crap is hanging over him. He's not sure where he sits on Loba's pile and he would have hoped it was somewhere near the top but even if it was it seems that everyone beneath Loba is to her at least right down on the ground with the worms, and if Nat, who needs to be breathing to assemble the mystical maguffin can barely be worthy of a sideways glance from the thief after almost being disembowled he can't imagine he would fare much better if it happened to him again. 

She had showed up, and in all honesty had spent more time at his side than Elliott when he had been one on the wrong end of a Prowler hug, but she was clearly checking his head was still attached to his neck whereas Elliott had only been there to threaten him with death if he tried to die again, before his own personal shame had chased him from the room. It was actually pretty sweet, not to mention downright fucking heartbreaking. Tae's no use to Loba if he's dead but it's almost sickeningly warm and scary for him to realise that if he dies Elliott has pretty much admitted he's not gonna be much use to _anyone_. He's not planning on dying, especially if this theory turns out to be right, but that is not as important right now as the nest of pillows on his bed and the haze of whiskey in his mind that pulls him into sleep.

The next day dawns like a bitch and Tae is up and furious before he can change his mind, pulling on the nearest clothes that don't have his own blood on them and making his way back to the Lounge. Wattson's bed is empty and Tae doesn't know if that's a good or bad thing until he spots the engineer moving slowly around the room, still pale but at least upright which is a major improvement from her status of creepy robot prop from the night before.

She's holding a piece of the artefact in her hands, turning it over and over like its mere existence is an insult to her and Tae can at least comprehend the pain in the ass that is holding some of the pieces of a thing but not being quite sure how they fit together. It's only Bang and Path in there too, and Tae wonders where the hell he was when everyone else was off getting notes that excused them from their early morning espionage and assault lesson. 

"You're late," Anita tells him and oh whoops, so he is, by a good half an hour or so but fuck it. He's not heading in to certain death again any time soon and he sees very little purpose in he and Nat staring at whatever it is they're trying to build with only half the kit. There's an air in the room like he's just missed something but he's not going to pry because he saw Elliott stocking the shelves behind the bar on his way in, Nat's up and about probably only due to Ajay's care and the robot, Renee and the big guy are nature's survivors on a par with nature's _actual_ survivor so he's not too worried about the people he swore he would never give a shit about and yet somehow managed to anyway. 

Anita and Path disappear through the portal once more to find the next piece of bullshit that has yet to consume his not entirely worthless days and yet here he is, _yet again,_ at the beck and call of the thief. It's not fine that Natalie's fine because she should never have been there in the first place, and no matter how much Nat insists he really can't forget that. Tae had always assumed they were far from family but Loba's little endeavour was starting to prove that a lot of them weren't even close to _friends_ , and half of them are throwing themselves in front of bullets for each other while shooting out at the other half. It's a house of cards dynamic that's one gentle blow from tumbling down, and it's clear to Tae that Loba and Rev are both taking deep breaths.

The bathroom is actually nicely quiet for the rest of the morning, especially if Tae doesn't think about the ways all of the people he has begrudgingly come to not hate might be dying at the minute. Instead he and Nat look over the bits and pieces and Tae talks bullshit hoping to cover his own ignorance while every now and then Elliott pops his head around the door, offering drinks and snacks which Natalie refuses far more politely than Tae does because they are in the _men's_ room, for fuck's sake. It's a nice morning and he fucking knows it can't last and maybe he's not the smartest guy on the planet but he is so often fucking _right_ and that's the worst thing because it's not like Tae has ever been the sort of guy to predict sunshine and rainbows and anything that isn't going to give him a fuck off big headache by the end of the day.

He's proven right when not too long after Anita returns through the portal with Path, tossing him something that looks like it can look back, and he gives it a slightly nauseous look before passing it over to Nat who mimics his actions in a show of tech nerd solidarity. He's pleased to note that there's no lasting damage to Nat, and she seems quite high spirited, as though almost leaving her guts behind in the shadow realm was the best adventure. Anita gives him a sort of 'get to work' glare which he returns with a stubborn look of 'even if I knew how, shut up,' but even he has enough knowledge to know that the leg bone's connected to the hip bone, or at least in this case, the Retinal Array's connected to the Occular Housing. Then Anita's gone and the quiet calm is back, and Tae's actually feeling buoyed by the fact that some of the others have crossed his field of vision in the last few hours. Renee's been perched on what was Nat's sick bed, her eyes closed but she's seemed peaceful enough, not so tense, right up until the thirty seconds before she put her finger to her ear when her eyes had shot open, milky white and spooky lookin', and Tae mutters 'fuck' under his breath, which earns him a chuckle from Elliott and a cold glare from Nat. 

Then he makes a gesture at Renee's suddenly foreboding demeanour, and Elliott and Nat say 'fuck.'

Renee talks into her comms and she's sounding like she trying to calm whoever's yelling at her from the other end but Tae checks the ceiling just in case. It's not got a murder bastard on it today, just a water stain that looks like a rude shape and Tae is above such things and has a mini little fantasy about one day pointing it out to Elliott and making him laugh. 

An hour or so later and the bathroom is crowded and far less peaceful and Tae is bitter as he shrinks once more into the tiled walls, mouth shut and eyes open. Elliott seems to be following suit today, but Tae doesn't really have him pegged for quiet introspection so maybe the holo engineer is just bored. Not to mention that his bar seems to have become Sneaky Bastard HQ without his noticing or permission, but Tae has spent a lot of time there over the last few days and he has a suspicion there's a lot that goes on at the Paradise Lounge that Elliott never hears about. Nonetheless, something is afoot and now is not the time to wonder which of Elliott's bar staff are screwing each other.

Ajay's back and Tae almost smiles to see her before the laser beams that seem to be shooting out of her eyes hit him square in the chest and he changes his mind. She takes a moment out of her terrified fury to comment on his and Natalie's work, making the same observation Makoa had not moments before about how whatever they're building has eyes, and Ajay's zeroed in on Makoa all at once and saying something about rescuing Silva and _that's_ when Tae realises he hasn't seen the bastard all day and no wonder it had been so quiet. Still, the kid was in trouble and Ajay seemed to have all the back-up she needed, not to mention that she hadn't spent so long outside of a hospital to remember that rule number one of doctorin' is _never_ take your last two patients into battle with you. Tae gives them both a good luck smile as Elliott watches aprehensively before he disappears back into the bar, his fingers tying a bar rag into knots at his side, his curls lacking their usual bounce. Tae's got reason to believe that someone's told him to take a break from the heroics for a while because they all know him and if one more person takes a hit on his watch it's not gonna be good for Witt's state of mind. 

He turns back to his and Nat's project but on the edge of his hearing Tae hears Anita approach Loba, who's just strolled in like this wasn't her operation, like she wasn't supposed to be there at all times, and Tae's actually getting quite good at putting all his different angers into neat and separate little boxes.

Anita tells Loba they've got business which is weird because Tae was under the illusion that they already did but whatever, he still has his ears on and he has a bad habit of making other people's business his own. Loba wants to have their little meeting away from the others and Tae's just about ready to suggest she stick her head up her ass instead before Anita does it for him, albeit more democratically. Instead Anita invites them all to gather around like a Master of Ceremonies and Elliott walks in looking like someone's stolen his act and they wait, eyes on the soldier and fuck it, she's even got Tae's attention now.

"I have a little something to share. The real reason we're risking our lives out there. And it's got nothing to do with treasure..."

Ajay already knows and Tae's gotta believe she'll fill Makoa in on the other side of the portal. He hopes she finds Octavio.

And then he hopes she kicks his ass.


	6. Chapter 6

So now Anita has Tae's undivided attention because the truth has always been the dangling carrot that wrenches him out of bed when all logic informs him that he's well within his rights to tell the world to go fuck itself, and he looks over at Loba, whose face is a picture of smug superiority and maybe she can go fuck herself too. Loba seems a little upset to be spoken to by Anita, but it's lucky the soldier doesn't give a shit if Loba likes her or not otherwise Loba might have had trouble looking down on her from under Anita's boot. Now Anita's spoken though Loba's looking a little less sure of herself and as close to a human being that Tae's ever witnessed as Anita speaks to them all.

"Turns out Loba here is working on Hammond's dime."

Well, what the fuck, Tae thinks and then he realises that whatever he's building is supposed to end up in _their_ hands and he has enough self-preservation still to blame how monumentally fucking slow he's been lately on the fact that he very recently almost _died_ , so back the fuck off. Still, whatever it was had been creepy enough to begin with but now it feels dirty too, and Tae feels himself subconsciously inching away from it because if Hammond want it, it ain't good, and Tae's not willing to be the dumb accessory to more bad times. He's more than prepared to do what needs to be done, but he won't be made a fucking fool of. 

Loba's face goes from slightly uneasy to massive fucking panic and when she speaks Tae realises that she's always used her charm to get what she wants and her lying skills are getting a little rusty. Getting them all in the bathroom of the Lounge was a lie of omission and didn't take much thought, but one look at Tae tells him she's well and truly busted and he's a little curious to see how the thief is going to try to spin this one.

"Bangalore, whatever you think you know this is hardly--" but Anita cuts her off and good thing too Tae thinks because, _actually Loba, the timing is fucking perfect because you probably don't want this confrontation to go down if and when Ajay gets back, maybe without Octane who's still off dying of his own stupidity on your little fetch quest_. 

Anita continues to absolutely dominate Loba's attempts at lying with the beautiful, awful truth and Tae knows that it is very rarely a gift as he looks between the pair and then the others and then finally down at his shoes because he's all out of reasons to be here. The few he has left are flimsy and he's so tired of every little piece of shit that's been going on because he doesn't have all the facts and the ones he's getting aren't making him feel any better.

Maybe, he thinks, summoning strength for the only reason left that matters and that is _ending_ this, he can push things along and he's done being shut down and shut up so he glares at Loba and speaks for what feels like the first time in days. 

"What's she talking about?" and Tae knows that's not exactly respectful but Anita's a damn solider, not a pretty pretty princess and couldn't give a fuck about niceties. 

Loba tries to shut him down quickly, but yeah, far _too_ quickly and he already knew it was true but now so does everybody else. They'd be mad to take it on a word though and Tae's relieved when Anita produces hard evidence because maybe that means that this is all over now and he can go back to his own personal sabotage in peace. Maybe no one else enters the portal of fucking horror and comes back with less pieces than they left with, and maybe they don't have to stand around and fall apart and smash open the fundamental truth that no one talks about.

They're all ok people, right? But look at what they all do for a fucking living.

Tae's getting lost in his own head and he shakes it slightly as Anita carries on and Loba denies knowing anything about the Source Code but it's way too late to do that when most of them already know. Elliott looks confused and Pathfinder tilts his head, while Bloth remains still and vaguely terrifying on the edge of everything and Tae thinks that maybe things are about to get bloody. 

Wraith's getting involved, backing Anita up and Loba's looking well and truly screwed now because clearly she thinks this is a truth she could never tell them and Tae reckons it's stupid, surely they _all_ knew why she was really here, but then maybe it takes a revenge -fuelled asshole to know one.

It's simple math by the time Anita's showing off the transcripts. He and Nat are building a bargaining chip and Loba's waiting to collect. Hammond are pulling all their strings and making them risk their lives in exchange for the opportunity for Loba to end Rev's own and he feels something new like guilt perhaps as he wonders how he might act if the tables were turned. They are, he supposes, as he's surrounded himself with people who work for the fuckers who killed Mila and not only that but he's starting to like them and this is so fucked up and so wrong and he wonders how many revenge quests does it take to blow up a bloodsport?

More than two, it would seem. 

Nat pipes up her mild indignation and Anita confirms it for the ones in the room who aren't paying attention, and then Tae's jarringly pulled from his thoughts by Elliott's voice bringing him back to the room, and he's not exactly _accusing_ Anita of anything but he's definitely making a point about how Hammond and the IMC are old bedfellows and he's _definitely_ using the same neutral tone Tae does when he's gotta say something that might make him angry and Tae remembers that he's from old Militia stock and there's definitely a few empty chairs at the Witt family table for Sunday dinner.

Anita's not even fazed though and more power to her when she all but says the IMC she belonged to were bastards, but at least they did it out loud whereas the sneaky bullshit Hammond's pulling now has even got her feeling nervous. It's been both a long time and not long enough but Anita's not a complete monster, just too fucking loyal for her own good and she makes a not entirely unfair leap in assuming that whatever the hell it is Tae's building is bad news and he's certain she's not wrong and the man who's supposed to be hiding is about to go down in history if he's not fucking careful. 

Wraith thinks that whatever they're making might be turned on them first and Tae's about ready to welcome her aboard the conspiracy express because of course you'd get rid of the morons who built the death whatever for you first. 

He is, without a doubt, the stupidest fucking man who ever lived. He's building a gun and now it's gonna be used to blow his own head off. 

Bloodhound's reading his mind before it's painted all over the walls and the whole room is so tense and Tae feels like this is something he walked into with both eyes closed because he thought that helping her would make her leave him alone but instead the target on his back just got bigger and shinier and now it's lit up with highly powered spotlights and can be seen from the fucking moon. 

Pathfinder's upset because as usual he's convinced that every person he meets is a friend that's only one high five away from becoming a super best friend and Pathfinder doesn't like liars because he's clearly not been programmed to be able to do it himself. 

Loba calls him an appliance and yeah, maybe, but still, hey.

Not cool. 

Elliott really doesn't fucking like it because everyone knows that the only person who's really allowed to be mean to Path is him and then he kinda fucks it up by telling Loba she could have trusted them instead of lying.

Tae has to look away because he already know that if he were in Loba's shoes, he wouldn't trust him as far as he could throw him and with good cause because he's not on her side and never has been and oh yeah, alright.

Fair enough Loba, good call.

Thing is, he's got his own reasons for being in the Games and that's so much not anyone's business that it _burns_ but she's right. They're all kinds of monsters here. All of them. 

Probably best not to think about it. 

Instead Tae watches and listens as they all agree at least to some mutually assured destruction but fair's fair and if this whole fucking mess is gonna move forward they can all at least throw a little honesty into the ring. Loba's not going to share her secrets because Tae gets that you don't get to her precarious station in life by _talking_ but Caustic fucking drops the fact that the source code is the bastards head into the conversation like a gas bomb and everyone sort of pulls a face. Mostly disgust but Loba's is more fury and now there are no more secrets besides the eight thousand or so that they've all collected between them. 

Caustic knows how simulacrums work apparently, and Tae reckons the maniac probably has spent a lot of sleepless nights trying to figure out how to make a machine choke to death because he's that sort of guy and Loba's so pissed off but Tae thinks fuck that because not trusting them is fine but underestimating them is what kills people in the end. 

She's caught on to this little truth because there's still a spy in their midst and now Revenant's going to know exactly what she plans to do and Tae thinks that killing Rev wouldn't be the end of the world because once he's gotten Loba what's to stop him starting on the rest of them?

Bloodhound tells her not to sleep and oh yeah, that's a fucking threat and the hunter is quiet fury and Tae's thinking that perhaps to be at one with all living things you gotta get used to making a few dead ones and he reminds himself not to piss Bloth off. 

Tae looks around at the mess they've made and he's scared and angry and exhausted and he's done. He wants to get out and not just out of the bar and this mission but also out of the Games and the Outlands and the fucking solar system if possible. It's all gone wrong.

Wraith though, oh she's got other fucking ideas, ones that Tae, who's been having a crisis of moral conscience anyway has to agree to for the sake of his soul. If they don't do it someone else will and maybe they can't trust each other but how does that saying about the devil you know go? Letting whatever this thing is fall into someone else's hands is exactly like pulling the trigger that ends a whole bunch of lives and they've all agreed without saying it that that's not ok. 

Taes _not_ sure he agrees with the idea of putting it together just to pull it apart again though, when the saner option surely would be to smash every last inch of it to pieces with the biggest fucking hammer he can find, but there's a simmering logic about there maybe being more of them and fighting what you know is easier than going in blind but before he can say anything Makoa and Ajay are back and so is some of Octavio.

He looks fucking rough, rougher than Tae had for sure and Nat too, covered in blood and missing his legs and sure he's kind of a dick but there's a line. They're all getting involved, Elliott making room while Makoa gets him on the bed and Ajay's demanding her equipment while Nat plays nurse. Tae looks over to Loba and she's looking almost grateful for the distraction and Tae remembers _all of us, every last one_ as he hands a roll of gauze to the medic.

He hears Loba thanking Anita for essentially getting her killed, and bloody to boot, and Anita doesn't seem to give a shit but at least advises the theif to run. Loba's not that kind of rational though because she's clearly not willing to live in a world where Rev gets to walk and talk while her family's cold in the ground and Tae at least feels that deep in his heart like a stone.


	7. Chapter 7

Tae's back at working on the mysterious whatever before he can change his mind. He's an idiot and funnily enough it's easy to accept that, and even easier when Nat shows him it's true by making him feel all kinds of grade school stupid. He's smart, of course he is, but he's got nothing on the engineer, who apparently is far more capable of him at putting a puzzle together without even knowing what it's supposed to look like when it done. Tae doesn't mind; he's not the jealous type and it's so nice to feel something close to human interaction for a change that he can stomach a little hurt pride and try to be humble. Maybe he's going soft, he worries as he passes over another piece of the machine and asks her about its purpose. 

Maybe he's been concentrating too fucking long on his feelings, that's the real problem here, he realises as he looks around at the stained and peeling walls. Fucking Elliott. 

'It's a slippery slope, Tae,' he tells himself as he listens with half an ear to Natalie's explanation. It's also way too fucking late, he realises, and it's starting to get complicated and he's just waiting now for the world to end and take him with it.

Nat mentions that whatever they're building might actually be some kind of Frankengizmo, modified and reshaped and that's a bit interesting because he can think of at least twelve different ways that Hammond would like to get their hands on some fancy tech they didn't make. They probably wouldn't mind laying a few fingers on whoever made the mods as well, and that extends to whoever can understand them, which means him and Nat.

Mostly Nat.

Natalie seems oblivious to his panic but then everyone does because he perfected the art of looking calm while his whole head went to hell a long time ago. She rambles on something about the thing being a 'girl' and Tae thinks that machines aren't anything, just _things_. Well, maybe he can make an exception for Pathfinder but that's only because Pathfinder said so himself. 

"Aren't you a smarty-pants?" he says absently, just for something to say but the word catches in his chest and screams in his mind and oh yes, he is such a fucking idiot.

Apparently Nat's the sort of person who knows what a Farrady Armature is but not a smarty-pants but he guesses that's fair because not everyone grew up in his life and he says it's something his mom used to call him when he was little. Him and Mila, though he doesn't mention her. More him though, because as a child Tae Joon Park was an insufferable know-it-all and fucking proud of it too. 

Then Nat just casually throws out that she never knew her mom and just as he was almost comfortable he feels like he's been kicked in the gut. He can feel the old wounds on his back flaring up again, and he wonders how Nat is healing when she answers, and not just on the outside.

He says he's sorry because that's what you're _supposed_ to say, but Nat's nothing if not practical and gives him what he was expecting, trotting out the old 'you can't miss what you never had' line with fucking awful, perfect timing as Elliott walks past the door. 

He likes working with Nat, because it's a damn good distraction, even if the location is a little counter-productive to that end. Truth is, he's little more than Nat's assistant by this point but he takes the fact with good grace and sarcastic eyerolls with no fire behind them as she orders him about. He shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be working on this fucking thing and he absolutely shouldn't be making friends, but he's a damn human being too and he can't change that, and he can ache inside and out until the day he dies but he will _never_ be able to stop reaching out for human comfort if it's offered, even if he doesn't really take it all the way. 

He goes to fetch her latest request and tries a joke of his own, telling the little drone to watch her but it doesn't work like that or he wouldn't be hunkering down in corners during matches, hoping that his squad has got his back while he uses the still very necessary controls to move the thing. He idly wonders about making it voice controlled as he continues searching for the piece; it might make a nice change to duck out of drone view and not be greeted with a Peacekeeper up his left nostril and a thermite under his ass. 

Wattson asks Tae why the drone doesn't have more of an AI and he wants to say because it's a camera with thrusters, not a puppy, but he just shrugs and says he doesn't know, and promises to think about it.

She talks about making the drone tell jokes and Tae's about done with this angle of the conversation now because between assembling a mystery death machine, hiding in a bathroom from a murderous robot on the orders of a presumptuous thief and the fact that his heart has terrible fucking timing, Tae thinks his life is about as funny as he can stand. 

Still, he smiles at her joke because sometimes things really are so bad they're good, which is a pleasant fucking surprise because so far in Tae's experience everything's just been so bad it's worse.

Tae's hunt for the thingamajig sends him back into the bar, where Caustic and Bloodhound are discussing it instead of helping he notes grumpily, and Loba, who's at the counter with a face like sour milk and a gun pointedly placed in front of her like Rev's gonna give her murder a rain check cause of a tiny little pistol and Tae thinks she should fuck off because for some reason he can't stand the thought of anyone dying in Elliott's bar. No one's spoken to her, they're all too angry still, and Tae continues his streak of not giving a fuck and it actually helps quell the fear that he was getting too mushy a little. 

She's just there, a calm little picture of bullshit and Tae thinks look at this fucking amateur. She jumps and scuttles at every sound like a bar wouldn't be full of them but she just doesn't want to be alone. Shame they weren't on better terms or Tae might have been able to give her a few pointers on living with a bullseye on her back, and how to hide it. 

Place isn't open yet which is good because Octavio's using the bar as a bed now while Makoa and Ajay finish repairing his busted legs, but Tae notices how panicked they both look and he wonders how two people with so much heart ever ended up in a place like this. 

Octavio's being his usual, charming self and Makoa's responding with his usual good nature, which is lucky for Octavio because if he ever put his mind to it, Makoa could crush him into a tiny ball of pain with one hand.

Tae calls them idiots but only because it's easier than calling them friends. Well, Makoa at least. Octavio's just a jerk. 

Tae asks Makoa where the latest piece of the puzzle is and Tae tells him Ajay has it with at least ten more words than was really necessary, while Ajay's too busy saying what everyone thinks she should have said a few years ago and telling Octavio to stop being such an ungrateful little shit.

It doesn't work, because Octavio is an ungrateful little shit.

He has the audacity to insult Ajay and Tae thinks fuck it, walk away Ajay and instead she _apologises_ and Tae can't and doesn't want to understand because the whole world is all kinds of fucked anyway. 

She tries to pull back a little power and it works because Octavio's hard to stop moving but words are a completely different thing and maybe it's just easier to run away than come up with a clever comeback and then Tae screams _fuck!_ in his mind because it really would be so easy to just run away. A decoy winks beside him and he thinks that perhaps it wouldn't exactly be a cakewalk either.

Makoa's smiling in the same place where Tae would huff and roll his eyes and that's why Makoa's the nice one. Tae's all but ready to just take five until they can help him find the piece, maybe even chat up Elliott a little bit because why the fuck not at this point, let's be honest, but he doesn't do that because Nat's screaming. 

Then they hear Revenant's voice, but it's distant and small as he expresses his regret than none of them has managed to die overnight. As one they all turn to the place where Tae and Nat had been working and Tae almost says a really fucking bad word when he sees what his drone is doing.

It's got Nat backed up against wall and she's cowering and Tae figures it must be the fact that Revenant just spoke out of it that's made her forget all the times she's destroyed the thing in the ring with a well-aimed punch and sometimes even just a sneeze would do it.

Revenant seems to agree that the drone is hardly an offensive weapon and Tae thinks well, yeah, it's a fucking camera, dipshit. But then he's also thinking _What the actual fuck?_ loudest of all because, well, what the _actual_ fuck?

Tae shouts at his drone but there's no point and he feels stupid because the best thing to do would be to grab it like the inoffensive piece of kit that it is and put it away. Or smash it to bits, either or, because everyone's looking at it likes it's been rigged to explode and it's a fucking _drone_ guys, even if it is misbehaving. 

Tae's confused as hell because Nat might be winning the Who Can Put A Mystery Weapon Together The Fastest? race but he's fairly certain he's the champion of making sure no one can mess with his shit but him. What the drone is doing is impossible. There's no one left alive who could hack it. 

Revenant says the drone told him what was going on and Tae feels as if the temperature in the room has plummeted along with his stomach and he can't breathe properly because he knows in that instant what's coming, what's about to happen and he isn't ready, he isn't prepared.

Rev makes a terrible joke to frighten Nat and it works and Tae's hands curl into fists because the fucking robot needs to learn to leave the damn engineer alone and stop using her as a way to enhance his creepiness when the drone flies over right into Loba's face. Tae's still rigid all the way through and he's scared and he's sweating but he can't fucking move and that's stupid because he's been running for so long it's not like he forgot how but it's _them_ , it's all of them, watching the bot but they've also got their eyes on Tae. All of them.

Even him.

Loba turns away from the drone but it follows to keep taunting her and Tae just can't understand why Rev is still spying on them when he knows what they're up to, where they are, and he didn't think twice about walking into a room once with twice as many people who were all armed to the teeth and slaughtering every single one of them except the little girl.

Maybe that's it. Maybe he just wants to destroy Loba so completely, inside and out and Tae hates him more than anything and he hopes that when Loba kills him, she does it slow.

It's a feeling that's made more solid when Revenant casually tells everyone that Tae is the one who betrayed them all.

He didn't.

He wouldn't.

But why the fuck should they believe him?

Loba calls someone a bastard and Tae's not sure which one of them it was directed at but his mouth feels like it's been wired shut and all he can do is watch as his carefully constructed life crumbles all around him. Rev releases his hold on the drone and it falls to the ground with a clatter and Tae thinks over the rushing of blood in his ears that he might not be far behind. 

Anita tells no one to move but what she really means is; "If you try to go for that fucking drone, Crypto, I'll shoot your fucking hand off," and he hears it loud and clear. They all do. 

Loba's asking him the same questions he's asking himself but no one's been near the drone, he knows it, just him and Natalie because that thing might be just a camera but alright, fuck it, it's not, which is why he has a tendency not to let it out of his sight. 

"You're sure?"

"Of course I'm sure."

He's sounding so defensive that it's really not helping his case and he knows it. He's backing himself into a corner and soon they'll stop looking at the dead little drone on the floor and start looking at him and he knows he should meet their eyes but that's the problem. Just because he's not lying about this, it doesn't mean he isn't lying at all. 

Tae looks over at Wattson, figuring if he has to start somewhere it should definitely be with her, but she pulls back when he reaches out to her and he feels like he might throw up. Getting soft, he tells himself, getting stupid and careless and it only took ten minutes of that shit before he was well and truly fucked. 

He sees the suspicion in her eyes but he feels it too, from every corner of the room. It's happening again. The whole world thinks he's guilty of something he didn't do and it's happening again and how is it happening again? Why? He's been so careful and they all think he did it and he didn't, he didn't do it, he didn't kill her, he didn't...

He takes a breath. 

He's innocent, but this time it's different. He still has words of his own that he can use this time.

Anita says the same thing to him that he said to her, but surprisly no one fucking shuts her down, although Tae supposes the evidence really isn't in his favour this time. They all think he's done something terrible, and the feeling's so familiar it's almost funny and with one last look at the betrayal on Natalie's face he thinks _this_ is why he doesn't make jokes.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so big effing AU I guess?
> 
> Also I had to just completely ignore that Elliott went on the last quest because I still had him in the room.
> 
> And then I remembered this was supposed to have some Cryptage in it.

"You think I'm spying for Revenant?" he manages to protest because Tae knows if he doesn't say something soon he'll be way past the point where they're willing to listen. Nat looks so hurt and ok, fair enough, he thought they were friends too and maybe it was his drone doing the fucking spying but it's nice to know how quick they all are to condemn him because clearly his words don't mean shit in the end. 

Bangalore brings up the super valid point about how his drone should not be hackable by anyone else and she's right, it really shouldn't be and when he finds out who did it he's going to get answers from them in interesting and unpleasant ways, ways that involve strong words and kitchen utensils. Still, he can say it can't be done until the world stops spinning but it's not true so he concedes clearly that there's someone out there who can outwit him on his own terms and he's so fucking angry all at once because he doesn't have much to call his own anymore and the universe seems determined to take what he has left. His mind, his friends, his humanity. 

"You named your unhackable drone Hack? C'mon, amigo. You're asking for it."

His patience.

He tells Octavio he's not here to debate what a helpless nerd he is because it's a bloody drone and he doesn't see Ajay getting shit for the awkward acronym she's saddled her own little robo-buddy with. 

He's losing control of the conversation now, letting himself get distracted because he desperately doesn't want to defend himself against the whole world again and lose because he's tired of running and he thought he was gaining reasons to stop, but no, here they all are, people he's been fighting alongside, getting to know, starting to like and they all think he did it. He knows that there's a strong case against him but really, not one of them can stand up for him and say something?

He's still fighting accusations left and right, trying to make them see all by himself when a familiar voice _finally_ speaks up and Tae had been hoping so much he wouldn't because his heart is so battered already that one accusatory word from Elliott will break it completely.

But he doesn't speak. He _laughs._

Tae feels confused but also a strange sense of relief because Elliott is sticking up for him, the only one who would, even if he's doing it in a typical, Mirage sort of way, a small little dig at Tae but it's wrapped around Tae's only external defence so far and it's everything.

Anita mentions that Elliott's supposed to hate Tae and Tae thinks someone wasn't fucking paying attention when Elliott scraped him off the ground back at the Nightmare Canyon and saved him from becoming Prowler chow, because Elliott doesn't hate him, even if he's not at the same advanced level of fucking stupid and inconvenient feelings as Tae is. If Elliott loves him, it's irrelevant. It's unlikely too, Tae's only got room in his head for one kind of stupid, but he's gotta believe that Elliott doesn't hate him. He has to. 

Elliott doesn't deny it but he's choosing Tae over Revenant because he _does_ hate Reveneant, and Tae would like to think that this confession is a small precursor to Elliott going down on bended knee but the fucking truth is they _all_ hate Revenant so even Tae couldn't have lost that one. 

Elliott picks on Pathfinder and then says the weirdest thing, that Tae's just a twenty-something pain in his ass and not a supervillain and Tae doesn't know whether to fall in love, take off his pants or punch Elliott in the mouth. Instead he's trying to formulate something like a thank you without acknowledging the more stinging parts of Elliott's sentences because if there's one person who needs to save as much face as he can, it's Elliott fucking Witt, and Tae even believes that he doesn't really mean to hurt him. He doesn't get the chance though. 

"Thirty-one."

Well, thanks a fucking bunch, Nat, he thinks. He doesn't care that she's told him or even that he knows and the whole thing doesn't matter but what he doesn't like is the fact that their Old Man/Kid shtick is something They Do, and he's almost sad to see it go. Everything's getting taken away from him, all over again, and he's just not supposed to have nice things. 

Elliott changes his tune and calls him a spy but anyone with half an eye can see that he doesn't really believe it, it's just a joke, his coping mechanism flinging itself out because Elliott doesn't like it when things get real, when they get serious, but Tae also likes to think that Elliott has a plan. It's hard to take the accusations seriously when Elliott's suddenly talking about him being a spy on the basis of age and he's so so sad that it doesn't seem to be working. The problem with no one taking you seriously is that, well, they don't take you seriously.

Looks like Tae's on his own so he asks the question it seems none of them thought to ask themselves.

"Why? Why would I help him?"

"The Syndicate," that asshole Caustic pipes up and oh, oh fuck, how did he know? How could he know? He can't be here, he can't stay, he can't because if they turn him over to the Syndicate, even if it is for the wrong reasons, he's a dead man.

And they'd all do it. Tae knows that now. 

Maybe even Elliott.

They're all walking around with pockets lined with Syndicate money. Hell, Nat's been on their payroll for years, even before she became a Legend and they've been nothing but good to her, whereas now all she sees when she looks at him is some guy who let her down. 

He swallows and feels himself start to sweat and shake. If this is it, if this fucking revenge quest that was never even fucking _his_ is the thing that ends it all, he's never going to forgive himself. Putting himself out there and into these stupid Games was supposed to be about revenge, about justice for his poor little sister, and somewhere along the way he lost sight of that. Lost sight of the fact that he can't trust anyone, can't get close or near, can't smile and love because that's just not an option for him, not anymore. The Syndicate took all of that from him the same night they took Mila and as he looks at Elliott briefly through panicked eyes his heart finally shatters because he understands that those things are _never_ coming back. 

What a fool he was to think they could. 

Caustic tells him that his reasons for wanting to turn the Syndicate to dust are his own and he's right, but he really fucking shouldn't be. He can't let them believe the bastard, there's too much at stake, first and foremost his whole fucking life and he maliciously thinks that if they knew what he knew they'd want to stop the Syndicate, too.

Well, most of them would. 

Not this bastard with a cough and not the Sim either, but every time he hears Makoa mentioning how he wants to help people Tae feels sick to his stomach thinking about how many more terrible things get funded with each bet on Gibraltar.

He feels himself stiffen as Caustic goes on and on, spelling out his made up plan for world domination where he and Revenant are bosom buddies, stealing the mysterious whatever and using it to hold the Syndicate hostage and destroy everything the people in this room wake up for each day. 

And then Tae remembers the book, the bad guy book of things to say and do and he suddenly realises that Caustic must have a damn copy too.

"Ani, it's you," Tae whispers because of course it fucking is, somehow, and he's about to vault across the room in front of every fucker here and demand Caustic tell him _how_ he hacked the drone because even if it could be done, Tae's certain it couldn't be done by a middle-aged sociopath who still takes notes by hand. 

He doesn't do that, though, he just let's the words sit. 

Tae knows a thing or two about a well rehearsed speech, and still has one or two in his own head along the lines of "Sorry, I was looking for the bathroom. Oh, is this _your_ top secret database of all Syndicate employees, past and present? My bad." 

"You're the spy," he tells the old man who actually _is_ an old man.

Caustic counters with a word salad that has at least half the people in the room tilting their heads at an attempt at comprehension but the basic gist is "Why the fuck would I?" when his own basis for accusing Tae had been "Because reasons", even if it had been unnervingly on point.

Elliott jumps in again and suggests something disgusting with a pumpkin but Tae knows he's just scared now. Scared that he's been made a fool of once again and he missed something obvious and whether or not he thinks it's Tae or Caustic or Secret Option C it doesn't matter because Elliott's just discovered that there's someone in _his_ bar who's actively been trying to hurt the few people he has left in this world. 

Loba finally speaks up and Tae realises that they're both in the same boat. There's not going to be any revenge now for either of them, and Tae thinks that's the shittiest thing because at least he never pulled anyone down with him and no one would have ever hacked his drone if he'd been smart enough just to stay at home.

Then Anita shocks him by telling her to leave, like she actually cares and she doesn't want Loba to get hurt and that's what she says because maybe Loba's forgotten that not everyone is a monster, and not everyone who dislikes her wants to kill her about it too. Anita's even protesting but Loba seems to have given up and suddenly Tae _feels_ for her because she never, ever wanted to die and she didn't want to see them torn apart.

She just wanted justice for her mother and father, that was all.

And Tae thinks fuck, all she would have had to do was ask, not all this secrets and lies and manipulation bullshit because no one is going to be able to look at Loba Andrade and not see a scared little girl kneeling in the blood of her family anymore. Tae won't.

It's different for him, he thinks. He maybe even once thought they'd help him too if they knew the truth but after tonight he knows better now. 

He tries for a last ditch attempt to make Nat see sense, to see if there's any chance that he's not alone and Caustic speaks for her and he's still not in the clear, not by a long shot. Makoa tries to defuse the situation and Natalie's done because it's clearly overwhelming her now and Renee takes her away somewhere quiet and says no more, which is fair because Renee lives each day unable to escape into silence and she must understand how Nat feels. How nice it must feel for her to at least be able to fix her own problem for someone else. 

Tae watches her go and he feels hollow because... because he so very nearly had a friend.

Caustic walks away after Tae's own accusations and he can't stay there either, so he strides out of the room and then the bar to get some air.

The night is calm and cool and the bar is not overly busy as he stands and tries to clear his head. There's a soft sound behind him and he turns around.

"You bastard," Elliott says coldly.

Tae's feels himself almost collapse to the ground and his throat grows tight and he tries not beg and plead and shout, because Elliott has to stop looking at him like that, he just has to.

"Elliott, please, I-"

"Thirty fucking one?" Elliott says with a smile. Tae breathes out and leans against the wall.

"Yes," he says in a small voice. "This mean you don't think I'm the spy then?"

Elliott makes a 'pssfing' sound and waves his hand. "You? No way. Whatever you've got going on would never be so bad you'd team up with that metallic piece of shit."

It might, if I thought it would work, Tae thinks, but he doesn't say it and let's Elliott keep his illusions. It's sort of his thing, right?

He stuffs his hands in his pockets. "Were you sent out here to make sure I didn't run away?" 

"Of course I was," Elliott replies with a jerk of his head back to the bar. "Can't have you running off back into the arms of the scary murder-bot, can we?" 

Tae raises his eyebrows and then tightens his arms against his sides. For a moment they're silent.

Then Tae says "Thank you," and waits for whatever comes next.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, here's the Cryptage. Actual quest happenings hardly get a look in here.

They linger for a while and Tae desperately wants to ask what the general consensus is inside re: his guilt, but judging by the fact that Elliott hasn't mentioned it himself yet, he's gonna assume it's not good news. He's trying to gear himself up, to get his ass back in there and start making a case for himself or at least to take a small detour behind the bar because he needs a fucking drink. He's frightened because that dickhead Caustic doesn't know just how badly he's fucked things up for Tae and he'd bet every credit of blood money the Syndicate ever gave him that he wouldn't even give a shit if he did. Tae doesn't know what's going to happen to him now, and for the first time in a long time his fear is greater than his anger.

Elliott's watching him, head tilted like he's not quite sure what he's looking at and Tae thinks that Elliott sees much more than he lets on and _that_ is the best stunt the trickster ever pulled. Tae's always watching or whatever but everyone knows that, minds themselves around him and there was Elliott the whole time, making the whole world look at him while he was definitely watching back. 

God, Tae's in bad shape. His whole world is going to shit and he's just realised that Elliott standing out here with him instead of hanging back inside to discuss what a bastard he is with the others is the only thing he has left. His affection be damned because he's so scared and he can't do anything about it. Running's as good as confessing now and he's lost.

"Hyeon?" Elliott says delicately. "It's... you know, it's gonna be ok."

Tae actually finds a weak little smile somewhere but it's fleeting because if Caustic's little theory leaves the bathroom of Elliott's bar, he's a dead man.

He just can't understand why Caustic would do this in the first place. Not just the spying himself but the fucking underhand way in which he's done it, setting up Tae so perfectly to take the fall and Tae thinks that with Caustic it's never personal and yet there's something in his head that tells him that it _is_. 

And then he thinks of Nat, and how she seems to be taking this the worst out of all of them and dawning horror, well, dawns, and hey, what the fuck, he's still got it, _wink_ but he really doesn't want it. And then he wonders why Caustic would give a fuck.

But not too hard.

"They'll come around you know. Realise that not even you're stupid enough to use your own drone. Give 'em time."

Tae shakes his head. "I don't have time." He doesn't. He hasn't got anything except the smallest hint of concern in Elliott's eyes and far too much fucking knowledge about how to kill the man he used to be and start all over again.

"What you talking about? It's gonna be fine, really." Elliott laughs and neither of them are buying it. Elliott knows there's something he _doesn't_ know, and Tae knows that you don't live the life Elliott has and keep smiling if you go looking for the bad shit, so Elliott won't ask because he doesn't want to know but why then, _why_ is he here in this alley with the Syndicate's most wanted? He should be in there with the others, where he's safe.

"Go away, Elliott," Tae mutters, not overly harsh but there's never going to be a time or a place where he can ever be friends with Elliott, or even close to him because that shit gets other people killed and fuck it, he never thought he was getting out of this adventure alive but he'll be damned if he's taking anyone else out him. But the level of that sentiment increases so much it makes him want to throw up when he thinks that it could be Elliott who takes a hit for him.

"You go away," Elliott counters childishly. On the edge of their hearing they can hear a muted conversation, that bastard chemist and Makoa are talking about something, probably him, and he finds himself moving away instead of nearer, closer to Elliott and away from the next thing in the queue to come and break him.

There's some symbolism or some shit in his movements, he's sure, but he just wants to go home.

"Elliott, if you really think I'm innocent you'll go back inside and convince the rest of them," Tae pleads, and then he remembers why Elliott was sent out here in the first place and Elliott can believe him until the stars all fade away but he's still supposed to be keeping an eye on him, too.

Why, he asks himself once more, is it _always_ Elliott? The universe is one mean fucker, having the same laugh at his expense over and over again. He's not drooling on his shoe, can't-eat-can't-sleep-can't-think-straight crazy about the guy but oh _god_ , he wants to be.

It's not even about being lonely or scared or anything like that, not anymore. It is, as he has already mentioned, only Elliott.

"Go a lot smoother if you came with me," Elliott begins, but the truth is that he has to convince Natalie before anyone else will join his side because she's the one who has been hurt so much by all of this, not just Tae's alleged actions but the whole damn thing and he's wondering why Loba's not here to make it right, why he's the one who's taking this fucking hit and his fury returns so quickly and so hot because he's done nothing, nothing at all, _again_ and maybe in a previous life he was some sort of mass murderer because that's the only reason he can think of why this life would deal him one shitty hand after another. 

He clenches his teeth. A man walks into a bar, ends up falling for the owner, losing half his skin in a Prowler fight and gets framed for the second time in his life. And here's the punchline: He doesn't care. He doesn't care that Nat's all cut up because it's not his fault she has feelings anymore than its Elliott's fault for his own, and he doesn't care if they all think he did it because why the fuck should he? It's not like any of them were ever really his friends. Maybe he should have done it, climbed into bed with the murder machine and finally gotten the job done, sold them all out for his own revenge the way Loba had and watched them all hate him because the end result's the same except the Syndicate is still fucking kicking, and it's kicking him hard.

He does a stupid thing, swings his fist at the wall but Elliott's hand shoots out like he's a fucking ninja to stop his knuckles colliding with the brickwork.

"That ain't gonna solve anything, buddy," Elliott warns him as he lets go. Tae turns his back on the other man, wound tight and furious.

"I'm not your buddy," he mutters through his clenched teeth.

"I'll remember that next time your bleeding out in another of Revenant's nightmares," he replies, but there's no venom there.

What Tae wouldn't give, he thinks, to have never met this man. To never have met any of them, to have been enough of a coward to just let Mila go.

What a shit thing that is to hope, and he hates himself.

"Come on, come with me," Elliott says, his voice pleading. "You and me, we'll make 'em see sense. And - and if not, I'll chuck them all out. It's my damn bar, after all." His laugh is nervous and Tae turns to him slowly because before he speaks again he's gonna need to see Elliott's face.

"Why are you doing this? For me? I don't deserve it."

Elliott sighs, shrugs his shoulders. "Because I saw the way you looked at me when Anita told me you were the mole."

Tae needs him to elaborate on that, and when he does, Tae realises he's actually pretty bad at keeping some things a secret.

"I've seen the way you look at me a lot, really."

Tae doesn't know how to interpret that, if Elliott means what he thinks he means and if he does, then what? Is it pity then, the way Tae himself was pitying Nat for her own misaimed affections, or was there something else?

He doesn't have time to dwell when there's a sudden melodic tone in the air and Elliott pulls out his phone and glares at the screen.

"Makoa wants us all back inside. Guess he needs to talk this whole thing out."

Tae sighs and squares his shoulders. He has to do this sooner or later, for the sake of damage control if nothing else, and he moves stiffly and slowly back towards the bar.

Then Elliott places a hand on his arm.

"You don't owe them shit. You've done nothing wrong."

Tae shakes his head. "If I don't go back, that's like saying I did it anyway."

Elliott draws his shoulders up and looks away. "We were just in there talking about it, and I doubt much has changed in the last ten minutes. You'll just be repeating yourself and to be honest Hyeon, you look angry as fuck and I know a thing or two about saying the wrong words."

Tae sighs, and idly thinks about a world where one day people will call him by his real name again. He knows it's not going to happen, but he can have a little fantasy now and then if it stops the shitstorm his life has become from swallowing him whole.

"So what do you suggest?" he sighs.

"Let them sleep on it. Let them think about how it literally makes no fucking sense at all." Elliott looks odd, and then when he talks it all becomes clear. "Please, give them a chance."

Tae's been so busy hating himself for thinking that they were actually almost mostly decent sorts of people that he hadn't realised that Elliott must be thinking along the same lines too. Elliott trusts because it's easier for him to live in a world where no one would hurt him on purpose because the universe can do that to him all by itself.

Tae nods. "Alright," he says quietly. Elliott finally takes the hand from his arm and the spot where it had been feels like fire.

"Didn't save ya dumb ass from Prowlers just to watch you hand it over to something else that can tear you apart," Elliott mutters.

Tae smiles and he's suddenly not as scared though he's still pretty fucking terrified because at least this time he's not alone.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so the quests and this story are no longer on speaking terms so have the fluffiest thing this angry fic is ever going to have instead. It could have happened, we don't know. 
> 
> There's a sort of epilogue coming, just a few little scenes from Elliott's POV that aren't exactly coherent but he's in his underpants in one of them so I might as well.
> 
> Thanks as usual to all the people who left kudos and commented and generally joined me in sticking a finger up at canon. 
> 
> Awesome, every last one of you.

Thing is, if he's not going going back in _there_ tonight then just where the fuck is he supposed to go? This isn't exactly the first time he's been in the sights of people more than capable of killing him, and he'd have to be a brand new kind of dumb to go home tonight. Maybe he _doesn't_ think he's going to wake up and find them all lined up at the foot of his bed, weapons raised and blank faced, but whoever said that paranoia couldn't be a personality trait has never met Tae Joon Park. 

"Maybe I don't need to explain myself, but I should probably try." 

He watches as Elliott considers his words, and he recognises some left over fury from the days before when Loba had dropped his mom's condition so casually into the conversation, like Elliott wasn't supposed to care and then Tae remembers that he tried to look like he didn't and his fingers curl into his palms.

"What?" Elliott asks, all gentle curiosity and Tae Joon realises that he's grinding his teeth. 

He takes a deep breath and tries to will the tension away.

"Nothing," he mutters. 

And then his anger tells him to fucking pay attention to it, just _for once_ , and he looks Elliott square in the eyes for what feels like the first time ever, and then he actually takes a step closer to the other man and wonders exactly what the hell is pushing him now because he's fairly certain it isn't just rage. 

"How are you so fucking calm about this?" he demands, but there's a tone to his words that betrays indignation, that tells Elliott that they've both been screwed around enough for one lifetime and how does Elliott manage to hold back, all the time?

"For all you know I've betrayed you! I'm the one who put you all in danger, lied to Nat and led her on and now I'm the reason Loba's going to die."

He's breathing as though he's trying to choke sand out of his lungs and if anyone doesn't deserve this onslaught it's the slightly baffled looking trickster in front of him but Elliott, wonderful, funny, _infuriating_ Elliott, who loses his head around words of more than three syllables and has been known to panic when faced with a certain murder bot, also has a type of cool that Tae could never claim to possess. 

See, Tae cares to the point of anger. He let's fury drive him and guide and now and then, he lets it trip him up, too. Elliott's motives come from a much sadder place, a place where the reality was always so fucking brutal and relentlessly unchangeable, where rage against the dying light served no purpose at all. There's no revenge for Elliott, no justice. Just broken memories of what used to be, and the awful truth that what he has now is only as good as he pretends it is.

Elliott doesn't live in denial, but he doesn't go looking for reasons to be angry, either. 

Tae wishes he could do that, too, but instead what poets might call passion he calls pig-headedness, and he cannot and will not stand by and watch the people he loves hurt without making sure there's someone else out there who can pay for it.

Tae looks for revenge. 

Elliott's the one who stays behind to pick up the pieces of whatever might be left.

"I know you didn't do it," Elliott says quietly. 

Tae can feel actual fucking tears in his eyes now so he finally looks away.

"No, you don't. You don't know me at all."

Elliott could get angry at him, right then and there. Could tell him to go fuck himself because he was _trying_ to be on Tae's side and all the hacker can do is throw it back in his face.

But when Elliott moves closer, slowly, Tae realises.

He is pieces, too.

"Believe me or don't kid, I'm not the one who's in trouble here." Elliott glances back at the bar and then crosses his arms.

"Come back to mine. I got beer, I got crappy cable and most of all I don't got robot parts and accusations."

Tae huffs out a gentle laugh. 

"Alright," he says with a sigh, and he just let's this one go.

They start to walk and Tae's still smarting and angry but it's fuzzy somehow, like yeah, maybe in the future it'll be a problem but that problem belongs to another Tae.

"You ever gonna tell me your secret, kid?" Elliott mutters as they amble down darkened, neon lit streets.

"No, Elliott," Tae replies evenly. Elliott stops him with a hand on his arm.

"What did you call me?"

Tae blinks at him in the darkness and wonders if he accidentally called him a dickhead or something.

"Elliott?" he chances.

"Why?"

This is a fucking test, he's sure, and Tae has not studied for it, which is very much not like him at all. 

"Because it's your name?" 

Elliott laughs. "But you never call me Elliott. I like it."

Tae's not quite sure where this conversation is going and while he's trying to figure it out his mouth takes over without permission.

"Well, you're my friend, right?"

Elliott smirks at him. "Right. Might be your only friend," he says with a wink, his voice taking on a teasing tone. "Maybe you should make a little more with the 'Elliotts', and is a little undying gratitude too much to ask?"

"Piss off, Witt."

"Ah, there's my guy."

They walk in silence a little more. It's been a weird old fucking week, Tae thinks. Between almost dying, the fact that he found himself in the middle of about eight different weird power struggles, the whole messy business with Nat and _now_ the fact that he's heading home with Elliott Witt, Tae's starting to think he might not be as much master of his own destiny as he thought. 

"Maybe someday," he says to his feet.

"What?" Elliott asks.

Tae looks up, stopping dead in the middle of the street. "It's been a long time since I had someone watch my back," he says. "So yeah, maybe someday, I'll tell you my secret," and Tae smirks when he thinks that Elliott really does have his back, from sticking up for him to literally pressing his weight against it to keep the blood in. How, he thinks as they carry on, did he not notice this before? 

It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. He's made a mess and tomorrow he'll begin the process of cleaning it up, and he's done that before too. 

Let Caustic play his little games. Let Loba and Revenant dance their dance over and over until seas run dry, and maybe he'll have to do some damage control with Nat but if Elliott has faith in him he's pretty much set. Not everyone seemed convinced anyway. Ajay, Makoa perhaps. Maybe they will believe him, for a change. 

Tomorrow's another damn day, and this business with the artefact and Hammond is far from over but Tae's still got his own war to wage and he's not going to let anything else come between him and his battle ever again.

Elliott nudges his shoulder companionably and tells him it's all going to be ok.

Nope. Not a single thing.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some snapshots of pieces of this fic from the holo guys POV.
> 
> :)

1\. After Crypto gets hurt on the first mission.

He's so damn sore his muscles are queuing up to complain but that's really not important as he drags himself through the not very sterile halls of the so-called hospital towards Hyeon's room. His yellow suit is now actually more kinda red and some of it's his blood but most of it's the hackers and he stomps his way to his bedside like he plans on putting it back in.

How. Fucking. _Dare_. He. 

He's not usually one to get mad at someone else for not being able to fight off twenty clawed bastards at once but he can't stop thinking that it had been way too damn close, that the kid had nearly died on his watch and he's sick of losing the people he loves and he's sick of not being able to stop it and he's suddenly fucking livid at what he's just realised.

He stops at Hyeon's door and looks at the figure fast asleep in the bed.

There's a medical soundtrack hanging in the air and Hyeon is tubes and wires and bandages and he looks so fucking small without his stupid coat on. He catches a passing doctor by the arm who relieves the metric tonne of pressure in his chest when she tells him the kid'll be fine when he wakes up, and it's just his fragile body that needs to put itself back together. 

She looks him up and down and he's used to that, come on, he's fucking _Mirage_ , but then her eyes linger on his split cheek and the blood on his chest and he realises her glances are more medical professionalism than insane desire. 

He waves her off nonetheless because let it never be said that Elliott Witt couldn't take a beating and come out winking but he's still a little unsteady on his feet as he makes his way closer to Hyeon.

He feels like he's had seven shades of shit clawed out of him and he's so fucking tired and Hyeon's like a fucking mannequin on the bed, still and silent and unmoving and Elliott's got words for days usually but they all stick in his throat as he glances over his shoulder before curling up on the bed next to him. There's not even a fucking chair in the room and he just wants to rest, so he excuses himself just this once. 

It's a tight squeeze cause the kid ain't small and Elliott's even less so but who gives a shit, he just wants to sleep for a hundred years and so much more he wants to be there when the jackass wakes up so he can do the right thing and yell at him.

He presses himself in close to keep from falling off and wonders if this is wrong somehow but there's blankets and clothes and about twelve layers of Prowler guts between them and he just shuts his eyes and sleeps and sleeps and sleeps.

He wakes up to the sound of someone cussing him out and Ajay looks about ready to finish the job the beasties in the canyon started when she sees the mess Elliott has made of her patients bed but she's such a big softie under, well, all the fucking terror that she just orders him to get cleaned up before he even thinks of setting foot in Hyeon's room again.

He offers her a wincing smile and does as he told because Ajay scares him when she's in full on medic mode and he wonders if it's proper doctor etiquette to threaten the people you're supposed to be looking out for with death. 

He avoids another actual medical professional though cause he's not the biggest fan of that kind of attention and finds a bathroom after using his light fingers to liberate some swabs and rubbing alcohol.

The gash on his cheek is gonna leave a scar and Elliott wonders how many more hits his face can take before it stops being rougishly handsome and instead just becomes a twisted, mottled mess and maybe he'll find out eventually but not today he thinks as he gives his reflection a quick wink. 

He peels off his sodden, crusted jumpsuit and that was a fucking mistake to make sober but it's too late now and all he can do is bite his lip and try not to cry. He rolls his eyes as he catches sight of his shredded chest because it's not bad but it's far from good and someone with a qualification is probably gonna have to take a look at it, sooner rather than later. He does the best he can hissing through his teeth the whole while and then he's fucked, standing in his underwear, glaring at his ruined suit knowing there's no way he can put it back on again.

He opens the door to the bathroom just a crack to see if the coast is clear and it is right until he steps fully out and then Ajay materialises out of nowhere like a bad omen and looks him up and down.

"Nice socks," she says to his stripy feet.

"Thanks. My mom picked them out for me."

She doesn't even have to ask but he knows enough to follow her as she leads him to a side room and makes him lie down on a gurney.

She cleans his wounds with far more efficiency and skill than he managed and then snaps her dirty gloves off and throws them in the trash. 

"You're a damn nightmare, Witt," she tells him tiredly.

"S'why you love me," he counters, ignoring the throbbing of his chest.

She cocks an eyebrow at him and pushes her stool back, leaning over to get a fresh pair of gloves from the side and some bandages. "You wanna tell me why I found ya curled up against Hyeon like an oversized cat?"

Elliott's known her for far too long to bullshit her, and has way too much respect for her to even try.

"Do I have to?"

She doesn't say anything, she wouldn't, just finishes patching him up and sends him on his way with a harsh warning not to pick at his scabs and an arm full of soft, second hand clothing that is just enough of the wrong side of small to make him look ridiculous.

Hyeon's awake when he returns and he clears his throat and looks at his shoeless feet and Hyeon opens his mouth to say something but Elliott's not there to listen in that moment because all he can hear is the rush of his blood in his ears.

"Don't you ever, _ever_ , fucking do that again, you hear me?" and even he's surprised at how furious he sounds. Hyeon's a little woozy and unfocused so if he's trying to think of a response Elliott has more than enough time to get away almost clean before he can say it.

He bolts through the corridors and straight out of the building, stopping only once he's in the cool night air to lean against the wall and breathe out heavily.

"What the fuck have you gotten yourself into now, Witt?" he mutters to himself.

-

2\. When Loba reveals that she knows about his mom.

He's not really had much time to think about it, in between scraping the kid off the floor and trying to keep his own organs on the right side of his skin but now that Hyeon's back and up and and about and his own wounds are just stinging reminders his thoughts are starting to catch up with him. 

He wasn't in the best of moods anyway, as every second he spent in his _own_ bar being told what to do sat about as well as a brick in his stomach, and even if he doesn't really favour a leadership role anyway because that tends to make people look at you for all the wrong reasons, that's not the point. This is his place, his second home, and she's stomping all over it with six inch heels and making his friends feels bad. 

He's not blind. Loba Andrade knows just as well as he does that she's a wondrous sight to behold, beautiful and sexy and dangerous and all the things, in fact, that Elliott tells himself _he_ is in the mirror each morning. She'd definitely caught his eye, but that was yesterday and today he's coming off spending the night caught in a binary system of thoughts. He's been flipping between the things she's said and the fact that he can still see himself cleaning Hyeon's blood out from under his nails every time he closes his eyes. 

It basicslly boils down to two things. He seems to be harbouring brand new and confusing feelings for the hacker, and that fucking thief knows about his mom.

That, however, is no one's business and if he wanted to talk about it then everyone knows _he_ fucking well would, as Elliott's never been one to be sparing with his words but that's the point. Elliott can talk and talk and talk because _that_ way he knows that whatever gets said is going to be shit he wants hear. There's a reason he didn't bring it up then and a reason he's not bringing it up now but Renee, for all her misguided good intentions, doesn't like the idea of an upset Elliott just as much as the rest of them because he's not supposed to have bad days.

He did that on purpose, he thinks, as Renee asks him if he's ok with what Loba said, he made a whole fucking person out of lies because the truth has been kicking his ass for three damn decades and of course he's not fucking alright.

He's losing his mom in the worst way possible, he can't figure out how to fix it, there's no way to make it funny or endearing and now every fucker knows.

He looks over at Hyeon before shrugging at Renee and mumbling that he's fine. He's not fucking fine, he rarely is, but this is not the time, not the place.

Loba Andrade might be the first person in the history of forever to make him publicly lose his shit, and that's the scariest thing of all. 

-

3\. When he notices how much Tae and Nat are working together.

Elliott's always been the jealous type but he wears it well. It's hard not to be when you're a) fed by the unwavering adoration of others and b), always having to fight tooth and nail to get it. It's not really a problem; he can use jealousy as a motivational tool any day of the week and often has. Perhaps it's not his most respectful trait but it's who he is and it's about twenty years too late to change that now.

Still, sometimes he realises he's his own worst enemy and he ends up in situations he'd rather not be in because of his stupid need for attention. Thing is, he's spent so much time performing, being the life and soul of every party, making people smile and laugh and maybe fall a little bit in love that they seem to have forgotten the deeper parts of him. Usually that's fine because those parts aren't so pretty to look at, and some of them are just boring. 

For example, he thinks pointedly as Nat waves him away from the bathroom for the third time that day after he fruitlessly offers them something to eat, he _is_ technically an engineer, too. And a pretty good one, but no one really cares so he doesn't talk about it. Maybe holo tech doesn't exactly qualify him to work on the mysterious thing they're putting back together but he can't see why electrical engineering or computer tinkering would _either_ , so maybe they just don't think he's a general, all round smartass like Hyeon and Nat.

He is though, he wants to whine, and as he watches Hyeon look frankly _enraptured_ by the complicated explanation she's laying on him about something or other. And then he realises that the secret little part of his mind that wants him to be standing in Nat's place tells him that when it comes to getting Hyeon Kim to notice him, he should definitely have tried different inroads.

But fucking hell, Elliott's clever but he has no idea how to show it. He knows things he can't explain, does things he can't teach, and the funniest thing is that when it comes to his brain he doesn't know how to show it off. 

Point is, he doesn't care if people care about how _smart_ he is, because that stuff doesn't impress the kind of people Elliott's trying to impress, the public en masse, and he's never really tried to get the attention of just one person before. 

Well, except his mom and he shudders at how totally different this situation is.

Mom always knew he was smart, always praised his intellect but she was the only one who ever had and she can't really do it anymore. 

He stomps behind the bar, slinging bottles and jars of olives around, shifting inventory uselessly from one shelf to another, thinking about Hyeon's stupid, loved-up face as Natalie shines like the sun in her element, and his mind goes deeper and darker, imagining them locked together, trying to eat each other's faces in _his_ fucking bar and he snaps, storming back to the bathroom and bracing himself before looking around the doorway.

Hyeon's standing with his back to both of them tinkering with something in his hand while Nat's holding something up to the light. No making out or anything even slightly seedy as he clears his throat and plasters a fake grin onto his face. 

"Need anything?" he asks again and Nat giggles and says "non, merci," and it's only when he winks back at her that his stomach drops as he sees the faintest hint of jealousy in Hyeon's eyes.

He's soon back to slinging lemon slices into a jar and muttering to himself. "Don't worry, kid," he says petulantly. "Wasn't making moves on your girl."

He stabs the knife in the chopping board and goes on a coffee run. No one ever says no to coffee, especially the kid, who lives on the stuff and would probably appreciate it and geez, could he be anymore fucking pathetic?

-

4\. When Bangalore tells him Tae is the mole. 

Elliott's got a twinge in his shoulder that's old and layered with a little bit of new. The shoulder's been fucky ever since a certain hacker wanted to see what he'd look like on his knees, _heh_ , and his latest foray into the world that happiness forgot had him pinned to the wall by seven-inch claws until Pathfinder had unloaded a heavy ammo clip into its ass. 

After some begrudging gratitude they'd found the next piece of junk and headed back, and Elliott's feeling pretty good about the whole thing right until Anita drops the bombshell that Hyeon's the mole and the bottom falls out of the world. 

It takes him all of two second to know it's not true, and he's going to have to live with those seconds for the rest of his life.

It's not that he won't allow it to be true. Elliott genuinely doesn't believe it because maybe no one really _knows_ the hacker but no one knows him better than Elliott. He never got those kind of vibes from him at all. Sure the kid's got a mean streak and a vendetta but he's so up front about it. He keeps secrets that keep him safe, not ones that endanger others and Elliott's been in the games long enough to know the fucking difference. 

So he makes jokes. He makes a typical, Mirage shaped defence for the kid because no one's really ever wanted to listen to Elliott but he's made sure that everyone can hear Mirage. 

Nat gives him the ammo to make it truly ridiculous and it's almost perfect but no one picks up on what he's trying to say, no one wants to erase the accusations because they make so much sense that it's easier to keep digging Hyeon's grave than reach down and pull him out of it. Elliott's on his own and he's not too proud to admit in the privacy of his own mind that he quite likes to fall in with the crowd, but not this time.

Not this man.

He waits out the rest of the conversation because he's really got nothing but a gut feeling to back himself up so instead he waits until it burns itself out and then follows Hyeon out of the bar. 

The kid looks terrified, and Elliott can't blame him, and nothing is more important in that moment than letting him know that no matter what, he's not completely alone. 

-

5\. The Next Day.

If Hyeon got a wink of sleep in the night it doesn't show when Elliott stumbles into his lounge to see the hacker bent over with his head in his hands. His hair is a mess of epic proportions and Elliott thinks he can actually pull it off, but there's other things that need to be taken care of and he hands him a mug of coffee with a supportive smile. 

Hyeon takes it with a grateful nod and then sighs over the rim of the cup. "I'm in trouble, aren't I?" 

Elliott shakes his head. "No. You're in a bind, but nothing's so broken yet we can't fix it."

Hyeon smirks. "You don't know that."

Elliott sits beside him. "No. I don't," he confesses but he doesn't want to be too honest. Truth is, he can't be sure that the others will ever believe him and there's a target on top of the target on Hyeon's back now and all Elliott knows is that he's gonna be the one who puts himself between the hacker and whatever comes his way because here's the whole thing.

Since day one, Elliott's been happily living in a bubble, only seeing what he wants to see when it comes to the people around him and then Loba Andrade had come on the scene and finally forced him to really _look_ , and he hadn't liked what he saw. 

He's been drifting, ignoring the truth about the kinds of people he's surrounded himself with and using the games as a way to waste his life until a better cause came along. 

He watches Hyeon lean back on his couch, eyes closed against the world, and thinks that maybe now he's found it.


End file.
